Cowboy Samurai X Badass Android Read online

  Chapter 5: Holy, Battle Maid!

  A few days later, Quentin was at the comic book store while awaiting the arrival of the Noppera-bō Gang’s loan sharks while wringing his hands together. A habit that Jake had noticed the tanuki alien had formed. “What should I do? What’ll I do? I couldn’t find a buyer on such short notice. I’ll have to ask them for more time…” Quentin stammered in a low, hushed voice to Jake and the Green Avenger who were at the comic book store helping out.

  Jake frowned at the frightened tanuki alien. “You should run away, old man. Live to fight another day.” He suggested.

  “Jake-san!” The Green Avenger gave Jake an aghast and disappointed look. “Quentin and Questa have had this store for years. It’s like their ‘baby’. This store means a lot to them…it has sentimental value too…Quinn used to work here with them. Quentin planned to have Quinn inherit the comic book store when he turned eighteen.”

  “What’s the point in fighting a battle you know you’re going to lose?” Jake asked.

  “There are more important things than winning, Jake.” The Green Avenger declared fiercely.

  Jake and the Green Avenger glared at each other and lightning flashed between their gazes. However, at that moment the door of the comic book store was flung open and the cyborg loan sharks strutted inside. “Mr. Quark, I hope you have good news for me. Do you have my money?” Their leader with the goatee began.

  Quentin was trembling slightly. “N-n-no.”

  Goatee raised an eyebrow at Quentin. “No? Then how do you intend to pay me? By giving me this crappy store?”

  This had been the plan but for some reason Jake heard Quentin’s trembling voice go: “N-n-no.”

  “No?” Goatee turned to look at his fellow loan sharks, “Did you hear that, boys? He said ‘no’. I suppose we’ll have no choice but to harvest his organs…”

  Quentin suddenly got down on his hands and knees, and looked up to give the loan sharks a beseeching look. “Please! Have a heart! Just…give me more time! I’ll get you the money! I’ll make the money I need to pay you back in December! I…can’t give up this store…” The raccoon-dog alien’s voice cracked.

  “Why do you cling so desperately to this pathetic little store?” Goatee sneered as he knocked over a nearby pile of comic books with a careless wave of his hand. “This pathetic store is worthless - it’s worth absolutely nothing!” He stressed as he gave his companions an expectant look. The loan sharks nodded and began to knock over display stands, stacks of comic books and knock over shelves.

  Quentin staggered to his feet, and looked horrified by what the loan sharks were doing. “No! Please stop! Please! This store is all I have left of Quinn!” He blurted out desperately.

  The Green Avenger was pissed. “He said STOP!” The Green Avenger rushed at one of the cyborgs and began to grapple with him and try to shove him away from the comics.

  The loan shark just shoved the Green Avenger off of himself easily and then punched the Green Avenger hard across the face with a POW! “Grab him!” Goatee ordered and his companions grabbed each of the Green Avenger’s arms to restrain him. Goatee approached the Green Avenger and punched him in his gut.

  “Oof!” The Green Avenger grunted in pain.

  Goatee removed his sunglasses and put them into his jacket pocket, so that Jake could see that Goatee’s eyes glittered with malice. “Don’t get in our way, kid. This is between us and the old man…stop trying to play the hero…”

  “What’s with his outfit?” One of the other thugs snickered. “He really thinks he is a superhero…”

  “What a freak.” The cyborg loan sharks all chuckled at the Green Avenger’s expense.

  Quentin had sunk to his knees and was once again on the floor bowing and begging when Goatee stomped over to Quentin and stood in front of him. A nasty sneer stretched across the man’s face before he kicked Quentin right in the face with his booted foot. Mr. Quark cried out and cowered on the floor but the loan shark didn’t stop there and walked over to stand next to Quentin’s trembling form before bringing his booted foot down mercilessly upon Quentin’s back with a sickening crack. “How dare you try and make fools out of us Mr. Quark! We’re going to get that money out of you one way or another! I personally think it will be easier once you’re dead!” Goatee brought his leg up, prepared to bring his boot down upon Quentin again, however-

  Jake was trembling with fear and anger, his fists clenched at his sides. He couldn’t stand to watch anymore of this despite his cowardice. “Outside.” He said softly.

  Goatee turned to give Jake a quizzical look. “HUH? Did you say something, punk?”

  Jake looked up, still trembling, but with a determined look in his eyes. “I said…let’s take this outside.”

  The head loan shark gave Jake a look of sheer disbelief before he burst out laughing. “Who the hell does this punk think he is? Did you hit your head somewhere, boy? Fine. Let’s take this outside.” Goatee looked Jake Lonestar over, taking in his shaggy brown hair, light brown eyes, Superman t-shirt, torn jeans and VANS. He’s just some punk kid. Some punk kid who’s about to die.

  Meanwhile, inwardly, Jake was freaking out: I can’t believe what I just said! I’m so going to die but…I bet I looked cool just then!

  Jake and the cyborg loan sharks went outside of Mom and Pop’s Comics with Quentin and the Green Avenger following close behind. Jake faced off against the cyborg loan sharks. There were five of them total. All five were dressed in black suits, had Ray-Bans on their faces and were wearing black fedoras. They made an intimidating sight. The loan sharks formed a circle around Jake and began to close in on him.

  “I don’t know who you are, punk, but you’re going to get hurt if you try to stand up for these people…” Goatee warned Jake.

  “You’re wrong - you’re the ones who are going to get hurt.” Jake stated firmly.

  “Cocky punk!” Goatee shouted before rushing forward and swinging his fist at Jake.

  Jake saw the fist coming. Is this guy really this slow? And easily dodged it. I don’t even know how to throw a punch…do I? Jake thought back to all the comic books he’d read where the superheroes would sometimes use martial arts or street fighting skills to take down the villains - like Batman and Robin, who would usually start taking bad guys out with a: POW! SMACK! KA-POW!

  Jake also thought back to all of those martial arts movies he used to watch as a kid before they had to get rid of the TV back at the Lonestar Ranch - the classic Bruce Lee movies.

  Jake realized that he had strangely vivid memories of all this. As if it had been stored away in some kind of data bank in his head. Jake clenched the fingers of his right hand into a fist, raised his fist and sent it flying into the side of the cyborg loan shark’s face with a POW!

  Jake’s fist connected solidly with the loan shark’s jaw and cheek - his face kinda comically caving in and then the loan shark was sent flying sideways and into a telephone pole. His half-metal cyborg body created a visible dent in the pole as it was bent in half.

  Quentin’s eyes were wide in shock. “Jake…”

  The Green Avenger’s eyes had turned into two stars. “Freakin awesome, dude!”

  Now, there were four loan sharks left.

  Jake looked down at his fist in astonishment. It worked. It actually worked. I guess it’s because of my superhuman strength.

  A crowd of curious bystanders was beginning to form on the street as the four other loan sharks closed in on Jake while looking pissed. The tech-savvy New Yorkers began to take out their smart phones, iPhones and Flip Video cameras and began to film Jake’s encounter with the cyborg loan sharks.

  Jake had strength but he still didn’t really know how to fight. The four loan sharks attacked Jake - fists flying, and Jake ducked and dodged. Jake balled up his fist again and sent it flying into the gut of one of the thugs. However-

  One of the loan sharks grabbed Jake’s arms from behind, managing to restra
in him while the other two thugs approached him head on. One punched Jake across the cheek and the other punch Jake in the gut.

  Inner Jake: OW! Ow that hurt like a bitch! Shit!

  “Let go of me, dammit!” Jake gathered his strength and he opened his arms wide and broke free from the loan shark’s hold. “Ahhh!” He charged one of the loan sharks, recklessly, haphazardly, and grappled with him. It had turned into an all-out street fight.

  Jake continued to exchange blocks and blows with the loan sharks. BAM! POW! Because of Jake’s incredible strength when he landed a hit against the cyborgs they literally went flying into nearby telephone poles and trashcans.

  It didn’t take long before all of the bruised and bleeding cyborgs were on the ground unmoving, sticking out of trashcans with their feet comically up in the air, or stuck in a bent over telephone pole. Jake was also battered and bruised, but still standing, though he was panting for breath.

  Had he won?

  Did I actually win?

  The crowd of spectating New Yorkers began to clap and applaud Jake’s feat. “Oooo~!” They whistled and cheered loudly. The oblivious Jake, finally noticed that there were actually people filming him and blushed. He probably fought like a complete idiot. So not cool.

  Jake was looking at the crowd of bystanders curiously when he noticed an Asian man in an ultra-modern suit wearing a domino mask, and who looked completely out of place within the crowd. Jake did a double take as he took a closer look at the young man. The black suit had silver lines on it that resembled the circuits or wires on a motherboard. The Asian man had short black hair that had stylish white highlights, and he was wearing a pair of high-tech, green-tinted sunglasses over his domino mask. Even with the mask and the strange sunglasses, Jake noticed the man’s dark eyes. The man had a tall, lithe, physique and Jake noticed that he had what appeared to be a samurai sword strapped to his waist.

  I wonder if he’s one of those superheroes or vigilantes that the Green Avenger told me about. He looks pretty cool. I bet he’s a lady killer. A regular Asian James Bond or something. A half-smirk formed on Jake’s face at the thought. However-

  One of the cyborgs had recovered and snuck up behind Jake with a lead pipe hitting Jake over the back of his head with it. Jake saw stars and dropped to his knees. Fuck that hurt! I think I’m going to pass out…shit…! So much for my cool victory. I suck but we all knew that. I’m no superhero…what was I thinking? Idiot…idiot…idiot…

  It was Goatee who had hit Jake over the back of his head. He had finally recovered and was now chuckling menacingly. “Did you really think you’d won, cocky punk. No one wins against us. We’re cyborgs who work under the protection of Nova Inara! And the Noppera-bō Gang! We’re untouchable! We’re unbeatable! Buwhahaha!” The man began to laugh maniacally.

  The other four cyborgs were recovering as well and began pushing themselves up and off the ground or pulled themselves out of trashcans. They were all battered, bruised and bleeding, but these men were half machine, and uncannily tough.

  The five cyborgs reached inside of their suit jackets and each of them pulled out an oval-shaped, white faceless mask. They put the faceless masks on and turned to face Jake again. The effect of the faceless masks was creepy and Jake shuddered.

  The loan sharks all had cybernetic components, which they decided to now reveal. They began to activate their individual cybernetic parts simultaneously. Goatee took his gloves off to reveal his solid metal hands before revealing a large dagger that could emerge from the palm of his hand.

  The second cyborg let his wrist bend backwards in an unnatural way and Jake watched as this revealed a hidden barrel in his arm that a chainsaw began to emerge from with a whirling sound.

  The third cyborg bent both his wrists back to reveal hidden compartments in both of his arms that two long metal chains emerged from to clank as they hit the ground.

  The forth cyborg removed his gloves, revealing solid metal fingers that he pointed at Jake. The tips of the thug’s fingers opened to reveal that each of his fingers was a single gun barrel.

  The final cyborg opened his hand up at the wrist with a twist to reveal a large barrel that a small rocket began to emerge from.

  Jake gulped at this intimidating display of advanced weaponry and began to tremble. Holy shit. So, Goatee has concealed knives…then there’s Mr. Saw, Chain-Man, Gunner and Rocket-Man. Jake began to give the cyborgs nicknames in his mind.

  The cyborg loan sharks approached Jake, and prepared to finish him off for good using their more powerful weapons.

  The Asian man in the smart-suit took out a cigarette, calmly lit it, and took a drag while contemplating Jake’s situation. I wonder if I should save the idiot?

  “We’ll kill this punk and make an example of him to those who think they can actually oppose the Noppera-bō Gang!” Goatee approached Jake and put his dagger directly under Jake’s chin in a menacing way.

  Jake’s vision was going in and out of focus. I’m going to die! I’m a goner! Someone please…save me…!

  Jake Lonestar, the hero of the story was about to be killed? Tch, how pathetic. Guess it’s time for me to make my move. The man in the smart-suit was about to intervene, however-

  BOOM. Goatee was forced to leap backwards and out of the way as Ultraviolet suddenly appeared, having jumped down from the roof of the comic book store with two tonfa in her hands, which she had tried to bring down upon the thug. The tonfa were metal sticks that were twenty inches long and that had handles on them. The tonfa hit the ground instead and formed a huge crater where Goatee had been standing only seconds before. The crater was five feet wide.

  Jake’s vision was swimming but he recognized the Sex Droid that had been given the name ‘Ultraviolet’ by him. His eyes widened. Ultraviolet. He recognized her instantly taking in her petite build, short black hair, violet eyes, and pale skin like a dying man. Man, she was a sight for sore eyes. She was still wearing the custom-made, black and white, frilly maid outfit complete with the maid cap that was on her head and which hid her antennas. She was wearing a pair of black knee boots that had straps and buckles on them, however, making her look like a badass battle maid.

  “Ultraviolet?” Jake weakly called out.

  The man in the smart-suit looked completely thrown off by the appearance of Ultraviolet and the cigarette that was between his lips fell from his mouth and landed on the ground, unnoticed. “What’s she doing here…?”

  Ultraviolet turned to look back at Jake and a sneer formed on her lips. Jake noticed there was a lit cigarette in her mouth. “I finally fucking found you, loser. And you were about to get your sorry ass killed. F.Y.I. Why didn’t you fight back? You’re stronger than these pathetic assholes, Jake. Or are you such a coward you wanted to make it easy for them and just roll over and die without putting up a fight. I guess it looks like I’ll have to save your sorry ass, perverted cowboy. This sucks.” Ultraviolet turned her attention back to the five cyborgs and spun her tonfa in her hands, a cocky smirk forming on her face. “Let’s do this, assholes.” She charged forward at the cyborgs and they in turn charged at her.

  [Battle Maid Ultraviolet VS Cyborg Loan Sharks] FIGHT!

  Ultraviolet’s metal tonfa clashed against the Goatee’s dagger, and she used her free hand to bash her tonfa across the cyborg’s face and didn’t hold back. A hard smacking sound cracked through the air.

  Ultraviolet leapt backwards to avoid getting a chainsaw through her gut. She then charged forward and Mr. Saw charged at her as well. He raised the chainsaw high overhead and brought it down upon her in a downward slash. “Die you bitchy little maid!”

  Ultraviolet raised her tonfa and crossed them, and they successfully blocked the chainsaw. Metal grated against metal as the metal teeth of the chainsaw tried to cut through Ultraviolet’s tonfa - sparks flew up into the air.

  And then Ultraviolet began to simply push back - pushing the chainsaw towards the cyborg, using her incredible android s
trength.

  “No! What the fuck!? You’re too strong to be human…!” Mr. Saw spat at her.

  Ultraviolet ignored him as she simply pushed the spinning chainsaw into the cyborg. She watched with a blank expression on her face as it began to slice his head open. “Ahhh!” He let out a bloodcurdling scream.

  The man in the smart-suit paled as he watched Ultraviolet’s feat. “An android just killed a human. Well, a cyborg, but still, someone who was originally human. How can this be?” The young man fumbled with getting out another cigarette and lighting it up. He took a long drag and held the smoke in his lungs for a moment before breathing out the smoke. “Shit.”

  Jake watched as blood splattered across Ultraviolet’s pale face and cringed. He swallowed thickly and wiped his sweaty palms on his jeans. He was glad that for the moment Ultraviolet seemed to be on his side.

  The crowd of New Yorkers had begun to see things that they hadn’t been mentally prepared to witness and began to cry out in horror and flee. Several dropped their expensive smart phones and filming devices as they made their escape.

  The man in the smart-suit was the only one who remained in the street as he calmly continued to smoke his cigarette. He shook his head at Ultraviolet. “So crude.”

  Jake suddenly gagged and put a hand over his mouth. He felt like he was going to be sick. Ultraviolet’s expression was blank, emotionless. Jake shuddered. She was so cold. It reminded him of Nova Inara when she had killed Jake’s classmates.

  Gunner fired his cybernetic hand-guns at Ultraviolet, who niftily dodged out of the way. The bullets impacted the ground where she had been standing only moments before. Suddenly, two chains wrapped around each of Ultraviolet’s wrists, restraining her.

  “Fucking asshole…” Ultraviolet swore, looking pissed. Jake noted Ultraviolet definitely had a mouth that could peel paint.

  Gunner and Rocket-Man approached her, prepared to finish her off.

  “Oh no…Ultraviolet!” Jake yelled out in concern.

  Gunner and Rocket-Man opened fire upon Ultraviolet.

  “I can’t watch!” Jake covered his eyes with his hands. However-

  Ultraviolet had jumped high up into the air doing a kind of back flip and so the bullets hit the Chain-Man instead instantly filling him full of holes.

  Like Swiss cheese. Ultraviolet thought as she finished her back flip and landed on her feet nimbly once more. She rushed forward at the two shocked cyborgs, dodging bullets and mini rockets.

  Jake had opened his eyes just in time to get a nice panty shot as Ultraviolet landed and the back of her maid skirt flipped upwards. She was wearing black underwear with purple polka dots on it. Jake felt a trickle of drool form at his chin as he wondered if Ultraviolet had on a matching bra.

  Ultraviolet rammed her tonfa into Gunner’s chest and leaving her tonfa imbedded in his chest as the cyborg began to spark, she turned her attention to Rocket-Man.

  He raised his mini rocket launcher at Ultraviolet. “Die, you crazy bitch!”

  Ultraviolet dropped her other tonfa and rushed forward grabbing hold of his wrist with her two hands and pushed upwards so that his first shot was released at the sky instead of her with a BOOM!

  “You crafty maid bitch!” Rocket-Man shot repeatedly into the sky out of frustration. “Let go!”

  Ultraviolet maneuvered his rocket launcher into his wide-open mouth and kicked Rocket-Man’s shin next making him accidentally blow his own head off. This caused brains and pieces of metal to fly through the air in a gruesome manner.

  Ultraviolet casually walked over and pulled her tonfa out of Gunner’s chest, and went over to pick up her other tonfa before going over to Jake. She put her two tonfa into a holster she was wearing around her waist, before taking her cigarette out of her mouth. She then let out a cloud of smoke in Jake’s face. “Pathetic wimp…those guys were small fries too.”

  Jake struggled to stand and then to speak. “I…I….”

  Ultraviolet raised an eyebrow at Jake. “Yea? Spit it out, dumbass.”

  A wide shit eating grin formed on Jake’s face. “I saw your panties.”

  Ultraviolet immediately got pissed. “Fucking pervert!” She punched Jake hard across the face with a POW!

  So worth it. Jake thought as his body lay twitching on the ground.

  The man in the smart-suit gave Jake a disgusted look. “That pathetic loser is Jake Lonestar? You have got to be kidding me.” However-

  “AHHHH!” Came Quentin’s panicked yell.

  “What the?” Jake turned to see Quentin on the ground, scooting backwards across the ground as he tried to get away from-? Jake’s eyes widened dramatically. A robot.

  But it wasn’t just any ol’ run of the mill robot - this was no cyborg either, but a humanoid-looking robot. It was six feet tall, all metal, and its hairstyle had been turned to metal, as well as a strangely familiar looking unibrow. The robot was stalking towards Quentin while its eyes glowed red.

  “A fully robotisized person…he’s under Nova Inara’s complete control now. Poor soul.” The man in the smart-suit shook his head sadly as he puffed on his cig.

  “Hello Father. Why are you running away from me? I’m hurt. Don’t you want to give your only son a hug?” The robot said in a synthesized voice as he approached Quentin.

  Quentin looked up at the robot in shock and took in its spiked up metal hairstyle and the unibrow. “Quinn?”

  Quinn opened his arms wide. “I’ve really missed you, old man.”

  Quentin stood up on shaky limbs and approached Quinn warily with a look of disbelief on his face. “Quinn? Is that really you, son?” Mr. Quark reached a trembling hand out towards the robot.

  “Yes Father…” Quinn responded in a monotone voice.

  Jake looked at the robot Quinn and Mr. Quark confusedly wondering what the hell was going on. Is this a good thing or a bad thing?

  “That foolish old man is about to get his heart ripped right out of his chest. F.Y.I” Ultraviolet drawled in an apathetic manner as she took a drag from her cigarette and blew a few smoke rings into the air.

  Jake turned to look at Ultraviolet in shock. “HUH? What are you talking about? Why would Quinn kill his own father…even if he’s been turned into a robot.” Jake’s mind was spinning.

  Ultraviolet gave Jake an incredulous look. “Dumbass…he’s been completely robotisized. That means he’s under Nova Inara’s control now and has to follow her will. And Nova Inara probably wants Mr. Quark to die so that his organs can be harvested. Mr. Quark owes money to the Noppera-bō Gang. Nova Inara’s done this kind of thing before. She likes to make examples of those who dare to oppose her.”

  “Nova Inara wants to harvest his organs? Shit! Mr. Quark! No!” Jake spun around and yelled frantically at the tanuki alien.

  Quentin was about to step into Quinn’s embrace and the teen robot was about to rip the old man’s heart out, when-

  Jake ran using his extreme speed and tackled Quentin out of the way, so that they both crashed to the ground.

  Quinn’s hand shot out where Quentin had been standing only moments before and his hand shot straight through the front door of the comic book store punching a hole straight through it. Quinn removed his hand that was now holding a piece of wood from the broken door. He opened his fist, looked down at the piece of wood as if he couldn’t understand why he didn’t have Quentin’s beating heart in his fist, and turned to face Quentin and Jake.

  Quentin was looking up at Jake confusedly. “Jake? What’s going on?”

  “Phew, that was close! You okay, old man?” Jake grinned at him as he stood up and put his arms out to his sides. He glared at Quinn. “I won’t let you harm your Father, Quinn. Because…I know it’s not something you really want to do. Snap out of it, Quinn…don’t let Nova Inara control you.”

  But Quinn seemed unaffected by Jake’s words and continued to approach them with eerily slow steps. Epp! Quinn began to scan Jake with his electronic e
yes. “Scanning target. Scan complete. Results…unable to be scanned…unable to be scanned. Error…error…abort…abort. Target will be designated as Anomaly X. Anomaly X…shall be…eliminated.”

  Quinn reached out and picked Jake up by the collar of his Superman t-shirt and tossed him into a nearby building with a WHAM! Jake smashed through the front windows and actually entered the building.

  “Jake!” Ultraviolet called out, “Shit…that baka!” She scowled, looking pissed.

  Quinn’s eyes glowed red. “I’ll be taking your organs to Nova Inara now…Father…” He reached his metal hand out towards the fallen Quentin.

  Quentin looked up in horror at his son. “Quinn?” However-

  Ultraviolet suddenly appeared in front of Quentin and blocked Quinn’s metal fist with her tonfa.

  Quinn immediately began to scan Ultraviolet next to determine her amount of threat. “Scanning target. Scanning complete. Model…Sex Droid…serial number 4567. Threat: Minimal. What is a Sex Droid doing participating in combat?” The robot’s unibrow raised.

  Ultraviolet glared back heatedly at Quinn. “Don’t call me a ‘Sex Droid’ you shitty robot. I have a name and it’s Ultraviolet!” Ultraviolet growled before she whacked Quinn hard across the face with her tonfa with a WHAM! Quinn’s head snapped to the side but he slowly turned his head back to look at her. A mechanical sound was heard as he did so. He appeared to be unaffected by her vicious attack. “This can’t be good.” Ultraviolet’s expression darkened.

  “Attack: Ineffective.” Quinn smiled and raised his hand to wrap it around the tonfa. “Goodbye Sex Droid 4567.” He lifted Ultraviolet up and sent her flying.

  “AHHHH FUCKKK! You shitty robot!” Ultraviolet went flying into the same building that Jake had been thrown into. “OOF!” She landed on something soft but that was also slightly hard. She looked down to see that she was straddling Jake Lonestar. And that her crotch was pressed up against his face…his nose was practically in her panties…

  Jake was all swirly eyed and dazed from the impact of his landing, but then looked up to see Ultraviolet’s crotch in his face, those lacy black underwear with the purple polka dots were unmistakable. His eyes widened when he realized she was basically straddling him and that he could completely see under her skirt. “Hey, I can see your-”

  BAM. “Ow!” Jake cried out as he gripped his head in pain from where Ultraviolet had hit him.

  Ultraviolet got up and carelessly dusted herself off. She then offered Jake a hand up, which he took gratefully, that is until Ultraviolet closed her hand around Jake’s in a vice grip causing him to cry out in pain. Ultraviolet ignored his cries and complaints for her to loosen her grip. He needed to be punished.

  Jake managed to pull his hand away and with tears in his eyes he felt that he should still thank the violent android. “Thanks…” But then Jake paled when he realized something. “Hey, if we’re both in here and that Terminator Robot is out there then who’s protecting Mr. Quark?!”

  Ultraviolet shrugged as she reached into her cleavage to pull out a new cig. She lit it and took a drag. “Like I give a fuck. Why do you care so much about that shitty old man, anyways?”

  “Mr. Quark is a good person and he helped me out. I owe him.” Jake started forward and his legs collapsed out from under him. Shit…I’m so freaking scared I can’t even move…!

  Ultraviolet raised an eyebrow at Jake’s predicament and sighed. She bent down in front of Jake, with her back to him. “Come on, I’ll give you a piggyback ride, you big baby.”

  Jake frowned but then grinned. “Thanks Mom!”

  Ultraviolet’s eye twitched. “Don’t call me ‘mom’, dumbass!”

  ***

  Meanwhile, Quentin was about to get his heart ripped out for the second time, when-

  CLASH. Suddenly the man in the smart-suit was standing in front of Quentin with his samurai sword drawn and was blocking Quinn’s fist.

  Mr. Quark must have had the devil’s luck since this was the second time he’d been saved that day. Maybe saving Jake had given him good karma and now the universe felt like paying him back.

  “Yet another busybody gets in my way.” Quinn said in a dull tone as his eyes glowed and began to shed their light upon the man in the suit. “Scanning target. Scanning Complete. Identity confirmed. Samurai Superhero: Mr. Suit. Cyborg warhorse: Pinstripe. Threat: Moderate. Preparing to eliminate.”

  Mr. Suit gave the robot a surprised look. He threw his cigarette to the ground and put it out with his shiny Ferragamo. “You figured out who I am, robot. I’m impressed.”

  [Mr. Suit VS Robot Quinn] FIGHT!

  “You robotisized humans used to be a lot more ‘brainless’.” Mr. Suit let out a thoughtful hum. “I suppose Nova Inara has made some recent upgrades.”

  Quinn leapt backwards to put some space between himself and the Samurai Superhero Mr. Suit. They faced off and sized each other up. Then Quinn charged forward and threw several punches Mr. Suit’s way. Mr. Suit dodged and blocked the metal fists with his samurai sword skillfully and without breaking a sweat.

  Jake and Ultraviolet had crawled out of the building’s broken front window just in time to see what was going on. Jake was getting a piggyback ride from Ultraviolet and guiltily enjoying every minute of it.

  “Whoa…who’s that?” Jake’s eyes bulged as he watched the man in the smart-suit pulling some real kick-ass moves against the robot Quinn.

  Ultraviolet looked over and spotted the man in the suit and her eyes widened slightly. Jake even thought he saw a flicker of surprise in her violet-colored eyes before it was gone. “That’s Mr. Suit. He’s a Samurai Superhero. A member of the Samurai Superhero Force…he works for Dr. Valery. Your aunt.” Ultraviolet informed Jake in her monotone voice.

  “Samurai Superhero Mr. Suit…dude…that name is a little gay…” Jake stuck his tongue out.

  Mr. Suit had extremely good hearing and was momentarily distracted by Jake’s tactless comment long enough that Quinn almost managed to punch him successfully. But Mr. Suit managed to block the blow with the flat of his blade at the last second. However, the force Quinn was putting behind the blow was enough to make even Mr. Suit skid backwards across the ground. That bastard! Mr. Suit thought, incensed. How dare he insult my superhero name. I think that Mr. Suit is a cool name…stupid American…

  Jake shrugged. “Well, at least it’s not something like ‘Tuxedo Rose’.” Jake added on an afterthought loudly and chuckled. “That would be even gayer!”

  Mr. Suit’s eye twitched in annoyance. “My superhero name is not gay.” Mr. Suit suddenly exploded, his temper getting the better of him. “Ōkami!” Mr. Suit shouted his sword’s name. “I summon your power! Evolution One…Two!” He called out as he raised his samurai sword high into the air. Jake watched as the Samurai Superhero’s sword was suddenly bathed in a green-tinged light, and how it began to pulse with energy.

  Next to Mr. Suit a demonic-looking wolf with white fur and silver eyes materialized like a mirage. The wolf was at least two times larger than a normal wolf. But the strangest thing of all was that the white wolf was standing on its hind legs and was wearing a tuxedo while smoking a cigar.

  Jake’s eyes widened like saucers. “What’s going on…what the hell is that wolf?! Is that real?!”

  Smoke curled into the air from the cigarette that was between Ultraviolet’s pale lips. “Mr. Suit wields a living-metal sword. It’s the latest in weapons technology throughout the galaxy. Living-metal swords are indestructible, can cut through anything and are made up of zillions of tiny nanomachines that are made of an indestructible alloy. All living-metal swords have an A.I. consciousness and the sword has the ability to produce a holographic image of its residual self image.”

  “I don’t get it…” Jake scratched his head.

  The robot Quinn and Mr. Suit continued to face off.

  “Silver-” Mr. Suit began as he got into a fighting stance and moved his samurai sword through
the air.

  “So long Mr. Suit.” Quinn charged forward, and Mr. Suit followed suit. They passed each other and Mr. Suit’s sword flashed through the air.

  “Wolf.” Mr. Suit finished and sheathed his sword in a fluid maneuver.

  Quinn turned around and laughed. “That attack didn’t even touch me!” However, Quinn’s right metal arm fell to the ground and wires began to spark from his armless shoulder socket. The arm that was on the ground sparked and writhed due to being disconnected from its main body. “Impossible!”

  Mr. Suit turned around to face Quinn, and prepared to finish him off. Mr. Suit took a stance with one hand on the hilt of his sword as he prepared to release his living-metal sword from its sheath once more.

  Quinn frowned and backed away from Mr. Suit. “I’m outta here.”

  VROOMMM! Suddenly, an extremely modern and high-tech dark blue and silver motorcycle pulled up in front of Quinn. The person riding the motorcycle had an unexpected appearance: she was wearing a dark blue and silver kimono, and her long, sky blue hair was styled up into a geisha topknot that had several long, deadly looking silver chopsticks sticking out of it. Her face was covered with a white faceless mask. However, the mask seemed to have holographic capabilities because Jake saw a kanji symbol flash for a moment upon the mask before it was gone. The kimono had a modern style and only went to her knees. The blue-haired geisha was wearing a pair of futuristic, black and silver platform boots that were several inches high.

  Mr. Suit, being of Japanese decent, was able to understand the kanji symbol that flashed upon the faceless mask. “Shee.” Mr. Suit murmured to himself. ‘shee’ was the Japanese word for the Number Four. “She must be the forth member of the Noppera-bō Gang’s special elite unit called the Nemesis Zeros. Zero Four.” Mr. Suit stroked his chin in thought. “That’s right…she must be the infamous Geisha Assassin Sheego!”

  “Get on.” Sheego told Quinn.

  “Sheego! Thank God! I thought I was a goner!” Quinn declared, acting strangely human, as he hopped up behind Sheego and wrapped his arm around her waist. He then whipped out a white faceless mask and put it on his face as he turned to look back at Jake and the others one last time. Another kanji symbol seemed to flash upon the faceless mask.

  “Go.” Mr. Suit read the kanji symbol that read ‘go’ for the Japanese Number Five. “And he must be the fifth member of the Nemesis Zeros - Zero Five.”

  “Hold on.” Sheego said and accelerated the bike. She zoomed past Jake Lonestar and looked him over curiously. Jake gazed back at the faceless white mask wondering what the woman looked like beneath the mask.

  I bet she’s hot. Jake thought to himself as a goofy smile formed on his face. Before he realized it a pickup line was once again emerging from his mouth: “You look just like a blue-haired Lois Lane and I’m wearing my Superman t-shirt today. It’s either fate or the menacing hand of Lex Luthor at work.” Jake waggled his eyebrows at Sheego as she rode past him.

  “Who’s the idiot?” Sheego asked Quinn.

  Quinn shuddered. “He was unable to be scanned. But maybe he’s a part of the SSF.”

  “Geisha Assassin Sheego…shit.” Mr. Suit swore as he watched her drive by and was unable to do anything about it.

  “Unable to be scanned? I wonder if he’s Jake Lonestar…the Anomaly X that Nova Inara warned me about.” Sheego spoke aloud to herself in thought.

  “Aren’t you going to go after her, shitty swordsman?” Ultraviolet asked Mr. Suit.

  “A gentleman doesn’t fight a lady,” Mr. Suit declared with a superior look on his face as he looked down his nose at Ultraviolet. “And whether or not you should be considered a lady with that foul mouth of yours remains to be seen…Sex Droid 4567.”

  “Wuss.” Ultraviolet shot back.

  Mr. Suit and Ultraviolet continued to stare at each other and exchanged an intense look.

  Strike! Jake’s eyes had turned into two large pink hearts as he watched the mysterious, blue-haired geisha depart on the motorcycle. “Geisha Assassin Sheego…so that’s her name, huh?” I think I’m in love. “What a cool superhero name. She’s really beautiful too…”

  Ultraviolet swiftly hit Jake over the head. “She’s not a superhero, idiot! She’s a villainess! She’s your enemy! And how do you know that she’s beautiful when her face was covered up…” Ultraviolet groused.

  “My enemy?” Jake blinked. “What are you talking about?”

  Ultraviolet put her hands on her hips and glared at Jake expectantly. “She’s an enemy of the SSF…which you’re going to be a member of.” Ultraviolet finished matter-of-factly.

  Jake frowned. “Says who?”

  “Dr. Valery.” Ultraviolet said.

  “My crazy perverted aunt!” Jake gave Ultraviolet an incredulous look and began shaking his head. “Tell her I said: no way Jose!”

  Mr. Suit scowled darkly at Jake. “How ungrateful. Who do you think just saved your sorry ass? The Samurai Superheroes Force - that’s who. Are you really such a coward that you won’t join us?” He challenged.

  “Yep, I’m a complete coward.” Jake agreed with a serious look on his face.

  Mr. Suit’s jaw dropped.

  “Jake…I’ve been searching for you for weeks.” Ultraviolet was scowling at Jake. “Dr. Valery sent me to find you. She wants you to join the SSF. She didn’t have a chance to explain anything to you the last time about the real reason why she brought you here to New York City. The SSF is-”

  Jake cut the droid off. “A special police unit that takes on cases having to do with cyborgs, E.T. Tech, and NANO right? They handle cyborg criminals that the NYPD can’t handle on their own.”

  “Yea…that’s right.” Ultraviolet gave Jake a surprised look, that he was so well-informed. “So, you’ll join us, right?” Ultraviolet asked.

  “Hell no!” Jake clarified.

  Mr. Suit was pissed. “It’s not like you have a choice, idiot. We’re not asking you - we’re telling you. And besides how long do you intend to rely on and burden others? According to my information network you’re mooching off of this poor old man right now…and you couldn’t even protect him!” Mr. Suit clucked his tongue at Jake.

  “But I-” Jake sputtered, only to be cut off by Mr. Suit.

  “Nova Inara will be back…and what then? Do you expect me to have to save your sorry ass again, coward? I have better things to do than to save the likes of you. Like…train, meditate and go on dates with beautiful women. But…if you come back with us to SSF Headquarters and get some proper training you may actually be able to learn how to control that monstrous strength of yours. And then you may actually be able to put it to some good use instead of causing nothing but destruction in your wake.” Mr. Suit finished with a sneer while giving Jake a disgusted look.

  Jake glared back at Mr. Suit. This guy is a total narcissistic jerk. He totally took back his earlier thoughts on this guy looking cool. He was so not cool. “I never asked for your help…” Though I did need it. Dammit…I’m so weak…wait no, just cowardly. He’s right. This sucks. “Training you said? What kind of training?” Jake decided to ask.

  “Martial arts training, combat training, and how to control your neo-nanomachine powers. Dr. Valery has assigned me with the task of training you so that you can become a superhero and…” Mr. Suit swallowed looking a little ill. “My new partner.”

  “Partner? I’m not gay.” Jake waved his hand back and forth.

  Mr. Suit’s pale face reddened in outrage. “Not that kind of partner, dumbass! We’d take Samurai Superhero cases and missions together since my other partner…” Mr. Suit trailed off.

  “Ran away?” Jake piped up helpfully. “I know I would…” Jake muttered.

  “No! He was murdered, okay! Asshole…” A haunted look crossed Mr. Suit’s face before he quickly composed himself.

  Jake looked back at Mr. Suit in surprise. “Geez, sorry, I didn’t know, Mr. Sensitive.”

  Mr. Suit
just frowned at Jake.

  “No, really, I’m sorry. How did he…?” Jake prodded.

  “That’s none of your business, lazy ass!” Mr. Suit shot back.

  Jake pouted. “Fine! And…fine, I’ll go back to SSF Headquarters to ‘train’ but I’m not going to live there. I already have a home. I just want to be able to protect it and those I care about.”

  Inner Jake: Damn~ that sounded cool. But who am I kidding? Me? Learn how to control my nanomachine powers and gain strength? I’m still such a coward.

  Mr. Suit gave Jake a surprised look. “Well said.”

  “But I doubt I can really do this…” Jake sighed.

  Mr. Suit’s eye twitched. “What’s with the pathetic attitude change?!”

  “Maybe, I have very little faith in my so-called teacher.” Jake suggested giving Mr. Suit a once-over and shaking his head with a disappointed look on his face.

  “Why you…are you trying to pick a fight?” Mr. Suit clenched his fists at his side and grit his teeth. His eyes widened when he realized what he was doing and concentrated on unclenching his fists. What the hell was wrong with him? He was Mr. Suit - cool, unaffected, suave, debonair. Nothing ever fazed him or emotionally affected him, but this guy…really knew how to get under Mr. Suit’s skin.

  “Hey, so what’s with the snazzy suit? Does it have some kind of special power or something?” Jake asked out of the blue.

  Mr. Suit’s anger seemed to deflate at Jake’s sudden interest in the smart-suit that he had created himself. A smug look formed on Mr. Suit’s face as he pushed his green sunglasses up his nose. “As a matter of fact, yes. This is a smart-suit - it is made out of a special nanomachine material that is composed of billions of nanomachines. It can serve as protective armor, among other things. However, the nanomachines that make up my smart-suit aren’t indestructible like the nanomachines that compose my living-metal sword Ōkami. That is the only drawback. A living-metal weapon could theoretically cut through it, but it’s bulletproof.”

  Jake rubbed his temples as he tried to understand what Mr. Suit was saying. He decided to just nod and pretend he understood. “Uh huh, that’s cool man.”

  VROOMMM! The sound of a motorcycle approaching them was heard and Jake watched as Ultraviolet pulled up in front of the two of them on a cutting-edge black and purple bike. “Dr. Valery made this for me, isn’t she a beauty? Anyways, move it or lose it boys. Hop on.”

  Mr. Suit looked at the bike and shook his head. “I’ll take my horse, thanks.” He brought his fingers to his lips before letting out a loud whistle.

  “Horse?” Jake raised his eyebrow at Mr. Suit as he hopped on behind Ultraviolet and wrapped his arms around her waist - tightly. This of course earned him a black eye.

  From around the corner of a building a stunning, black horse came galloping their way. The horse had a striking white marking down the center of its face. But that wasn’t the only strange thing about the horse - it had four futuristic looking, metal legs, and was wearing some kind of high-tech visor over its eyes that looked like it was made out of a see-through green plastic material. The warhorse also had on silvery battle armor that really stood out against its glossy black coat.

  “Cool.” The Green avenger stated enthusiastically as he saw the cyborg warhorse round the corner.

  “What the hell kind of horse is that?” Jake asked, his jaw dropping. Wow…just wow.

  “He’s a genetically engineered cyborg warhorse.” Ultraviolet explained to Jake. “All of the Samurai Superheroes have them. If you join us Dr. Valery will give you one too.”

  Jake watched jealously as the black stallion approached Mr. Suit obediently and he reached out to pat the horse on its nose. “Good boy, Pinstripe.” Pinstripe let out a happy little puff of air. Mr. Suit then mounted the warhorse in a fluid motion by grabbing the horn of the saddle and hoisting himself up.

  “I’ll get a horse?” Jake’s eyes lit up like a little kid’s on Christmas day before he remembered what happened to his last horse. “I don’t think…that would be such a good idea.” Jake’s expression fell and Mr. Suit gave Jake a curious look. “Even riding this motorcycle…I may make it explode, you know.”

  “Just don’t touch it with your bare hands, dumbass.” Ultraviolet warned. “Let’s ride.” She said, sticking a cancer stick between her lips and revving the engine before tearing off down the rode.

  Jake chuckled. “What’s with all the smoking anyways? You know…you’re an android…can you even get a buzz.”

  “Shut up, asshole.”

  “Green, I’ll be back after I’ve gotten a bit of ‘training’ in - tell the Quarks for me. Bye!” Jake called over his shoulder to the Green Avenger.

  “Ah! Jake! Wait!” The Green Avenger called after him. “Who’s going to watch the store?”

  “You do it! Good luck!” Jake shot back.

  Mr. Suit found himself chuckling at the strange pair before he kicked Pinstripe’s sides to get the horse to trot and then swiftly gallop after the two.