Cowboy Samurai X Badass Android Read online

  Chapter 7: My pervy cowboy sense is tingling

  Jake groaned as he stirred awake and flung his arm out. It landed on something surprisingly soft. Jake clenched his hand around a soft mound and squeezed.

  A pleasured moan was heard next to him, “Mmm~”

  Jake’s eyes shot open and he turned his head to look next to him. His eyes widened when he caught sight of Dr. Valery sleeping next to him. He looked down to where the covers were around their waists and realized that they were both naked! Jake’s eyes bulged when he caught sight of Dr. Valery’s ample breasts and saw that his hand was on one of her breasts-!

  He nearly internally combusted at the sight, “Aunt Val?!”

  Dr. Valery stretched languidly, like a cat, letting out a groan as she turned her head and opened her eyes to stare at Jake. “Hello handsome,” Dr. Valery purred while looking down to notice the hand on her left breast. A sly smirk formed on her lips. “My aren’t we bold this morning? You’re up for another round?” She teased as she slid her hand over his chest and headed for-!

  “ACK!” Jake quickly removed his hand from Dr. Valery’s breast. Now, Jake was in total conflict. He was a healthy, seventeen-year-old boy with urges. He liked women. He jerked off to Playboy like any normal young man…but…he had once killed his own pet horse Patch because he had embraced her too tightly! He was afraid of what his superhuman strength was capable of. He was afraid that if he touched Dr. Valery that he’d hurt her.

  But damn he wanted to touch her so badly, he couldn’t believe it. But his fear of hurting Dr. Valery overrode his lust, and also wasn’t she supposed to be his pseudo ‘aunt’, his ‘family’?

  Jake leapt out of the bed like a madman and looked down seeing that his dick was slightly hard. He gawked down at himself before hastily grabbing a pillow from the bed to cover himself with it.

  “Aunt Valery! Why am I naked?! What are you doing naked in my bed?! You’re supposed to be my legal guardian - my Aunt!” Jake stressed the last word.

  Dr. Valery casually sat up in the bed, and propped her chin in her hand as she watched Jake in an amused manner. She had totally noticed his semi-hard member, so knew Jake wasn’t unaffected by her advances. A cat’s paw smile formed on her face, and her glasses glinted mischievously. “Oh~ you don’t remember what happened last night?” She purred suggestively.

  Jake paled, Last night? He furrowed his brow and really concentrated on remembering the events of the previous night…he remembered sparring against Mr. Suit…finding the legendary living-metal weapon Orochi…Orochi possessing his body and taking out the SSF and then a lacy purple bra and then…nothing. Jake began to drool as he remembered:

  Ultraviolet.

  Ultraviolet had somehow scared Orochi off, allowing Jake to regain control of his body and Ultraviolet had taken him back to his room. He distinctly remembered how she had easily tossed all one hundred and eighty pounds of his sorry ass onto the bed unceremoniously, saying, ‘Goodnight idiot - try not to have perverted dreams’ sarcastically before slamming the door and stalking off. A goofy little smile formed on Jake’s face as he thought about Ultraviolet’s antics and her badass attitude.

  Dr. Valery noticed Jake’s smile and instantly became curious. “Oh ho, so you do remember something.”

  Jake turned to glare at Dr. Valery, “Yea…falling asleep in my bed and waking up to my perverted aunt sexually harassing me!” He pointed a finger at her accusingly.

  Dr. Valery pouted. “Sexual harassment? It’s only sexual harassment if you don’t want it too, and I distinctly saw that you had a hard on-”

  “Ah!” Jake raised his free hand to stop her from saying more. “Say no more perverted aunt! This stops now!” Jake said firmly but his tone was tremulous.

  Dr. Valery pouted as she lay back down on the bed. The movement caused her breasts to bounce up and down. “Ah~ but I thought it would be okay for us to have sex now since you know I’m not really your aunt. We’re not related by blood, so we can have sex, Jake. Yay!” She clapped her hands together and gave Jake a girlishly excited look.

  Jake gawked back at Dr. Valery in disbelief. He sure had one crazy, perverted legal guardian! He looked at Dr. Valery’s sexy, sleep-tousled state in the bed with the covers around her waist, her blonde hair cascading loose around her shoulders, freed from her usual ponytail, her bare breasts and gulped. His dick twitched.

  He so wanted to have sex with a hot babe like Dr. Valery but…

  He’d just hurt her.

  “Fuck! I thought you said I could still call you ‘aunt’. You perverted Aunt!” In desperation, Jake ran from the bedroom while clutching the pillow to his crotch. He was going to go back to Brooklyn Prime A.S.A.P! Jake looked down at his other hand and blinked in surprise when he saw that he had the sword Orochi in his grasp. When did I pick up the sword? Weird. “Orochi…” Jake looked at the sword’s sheath and noticed the symbol of the Dragon Aliens. The clavicula nox. Orochi had told Jake about how he had been made by the Dragon Aliens. Jake frowned as his head began to pound with an oncoming headache. Where have I seen that symbol before? Why can’t I remember?

  “Oi Jake! Wait up idiot!” Came a familiar female voice.

  Jake turned around to see Ultraviolet running up to him. He instantly grinned at the pretty android. “Howdy Ultraviolet.” He almost raised his hand in greeting before he remembered that he had a sword in one hand and a pillow in the other. He gave Ultraviolet a sheepish look instead.

  Ultraviolet shoved a pile of clothes into Jake’s arms without further ado. “Here are your clothes, baka flasher. I mean, really, no one wants to see that so early in the morning.” Ultraviolet fished out a cigarette, lit it and took a drag from it as she gave Jake a disgusted look.

  Jake just grinned broadly at her in return, “Thanks Ultraviolet! You’re a lifesaver! I knew you cared!”

  Ultraviolet’s cigarette fell from her mouth.

  His smile was so dazzling.

  ***

  Jake was surprised to discover that Ultraviolet had provided him with a Spiderman t-shirt, a pair of faded blue jeans, some cowboy boots and even a pair of simple black boxers. Jake couldn’t help the goofy smile that came back to his face. Ultraviolet really seemed to know him well. She really does care.

  Jake could run a mile in only two minutes when he used his superhuman speed. And since Brooklyn Prime was only a few miles away it had taken Jake ten minutes to return to the Brooklyn Bridge. He arrived at the riverbank, covered in sweat and panting for breath, but in one piece. Safe! Jake thought, exultantly. My perverted aunt won’t find me here. Jake took out his Martian antenna headband and put it on his head.

  An orange hued sun was rising above the horizon as the Green Avenger sat at the riverbank fishing. He caught sight of Jake as soon as he arrived. “Hey, Jake-san! Over here!” The Green Avenger called out loudly as soon as he spotted Jake and began to wave overenthusiastically in his direction.

  Jake caught sight of the Green Avenger fishing and quickly walked over to his strange alien friend, “Howdy Green, sup? You fishing?” Jake looked on with interest since he also enjoyed fishing immensely.

  The Green Avenger noticed Jake’s interested look, and a proud look formed on his face, “Yep! Everyone who is a part of the Brooklyn Prime Community has to have a ‘job’ or ‘role’ here to help out. I’m one of the fishermen here. Our job is to provide enough food for the entire community. What kind of job will you choose, Jake-san?” The Green Avenger gave Jake a curious look.

  Jake blinked, “I need a job? How troublesome…”

  At that moment, Mayor Stark decided to appear at Jake and the Green Avenger’s sides as if he’d appeared from out of nowhere. “Ohayo minna! Good morning everyone!” Mayor Stark greeted loudly causing the two young men to jump. “So, Jake have you thought about what job you’d like to have as a part of this community?”

  Jake blinked back at the white-haired man in shock. He really had just popped from out of nowh
ere like a ghost or maybe a wizard. Creepy. Jake shuddered. “No.”

  “Well, what skills do you have?” Mayor Stark asked Jake while impatiently twirling his white cane next to him.

  Jake scratched his chin in thought, “Skills?” Do I have anything I’m good at besides causing trouble? Nawwww. “Don’t have any.” He deadpanned.

  Mayor Stark’s jaw dropped and he stopped twirling his cane. “Eh?”

  The Green Avenger threw an arm around Jake’s shoulders effectively putting Jake into a headlock so that he couldn’t say anything else stupid. “Ahahaha.” The Green Avenger laughed nervously as he shook Jake. “You’re such a kidder, Jake-san! Jake was just telling me how he enjoys fishing. I believe he wants to be a fisherman too.”

  “Ah.” Mayor Stark nodded in acknowledgement, “Well, you boys had better hop to it-” He looked inside of the empty bucket that was on the ground next to the Green Avenger. “You have several mouths to feed.”

  “Er, right! Thanks Mayor!” The Green Avenger said as Mayor Stark sauntered off swinging his cane, and the Green Avenger waved goodbye. As soon as he was out of sight, the Green Avenger whirled around to face Jake. “Jake-san! Why did you say you have no skills? Mayor Stark won’t let you stay here if you can’t help out the community in some way.”

  Jake shrugged. “What are you talking about? I was just being honest…” Jake frowned.

  The Green Avenger stared at Jake in disbelief. “But…you’re strong! I saw you defeat those cyborg loan sharks! You were amazing. You’re my hero!”

  Jake sighed and ran a hand back through his greasy hair. He needed a bath. “That…was a fluke. I’m not strong…and I’m definitely no hero.” He clenched his hand more tightly around Orochi’s hilt.

  The Green Avenger noticed and caught sight of the samurai sword. “Hey, is that a living-metal sword? So, did you really join the SSF?!” The Green Avenger’s eyes were all starry.

  Jake waved his free hand frantically in front of him from side to side, “No way…I’m like some kind of honorary member for now though. They’ll help me learn to control my nanomachine powers and in return I’ll help them with their missions.”

  “I see.” The Green Avenger gave Jake a long look before he grinned at his new human friend. “Let’s get fishing!”

  Jake smiled back. “Alright!”

  The Green Avenger gave Jake a spare fishing pole and the two young men began to fish. Jake loved fishing. He could just sit and stare aimlessly at the river and do absolutely nothing. It was the perfect job. He also enjoyed getting to watch the clouds pass by. Fishing was soothing. All his worries seemed to just fade away.

  A few hours had passed when the Quarks stopped by the riverbank to see how the boys were doing. “Oi! Good morning boys! How are you both doing? Caught anything yet?” Quentin greeted them warmly.

  Jake looked behind him and grinned at Quentin. He noticed that Mr. Quark was dressed professionally in a suit and tie and wondered why the man thought he needed to dress in a tie for a job at a comic book store. “Howdy, old man - we’re good, and no we haven’t caught anything yet-”

  Questa popped out from behind Quentin holding a tray of muffins in her hands that were in oven mitts. She had on a white apron that had little raccoons on it, and Jake could see that there were patches of flour on her face, but she wore a pleased expression. “Have you boys eaten breakfast yet? I made muffins!” She gave them a hopeful look.

  “Mrs. Quark’s muffins? Lucky~!” The Green Avenger exclaimed with stars and hearts in his eyes. “Thanks!” The Green Avenger reached out and took a still-warm blueberry muffin. “You are going to love these, Jake-san. Mrs. Quark is very good at baking human desserts. It’s a special hobby of hers.”

  “Is that right?” Jake reached out and took a blueberry muffin in his hand. He was surprised to find that it was still warm.

  --a flash of memory. Jake suddenly remembered how his own mother Jessie used to bake him and his sister Bonnie chocolate chip cookies. Bonnie would always share the last cookie with Jake and when she broke it in half she always gave Jake the larger half.

  Jake took a bite out of the muffin and groaned in pleasure. “Woo doggie, that’s delicious, Mrs. Quark! You’re really good at baking.”

  Questa blushed and fidgeted, “Ah~ your praise does not make me happy-” Questa was saying before with a poof! she turned into a tanuki.

  Jake just chuckled as he plopped the entire muffin into his mouth, chewed and swallowed. He tried not to cry, though his eyes were burning, and his chest felt heavy. The taste of ‘homemade’ - that nostalgia - it reminded him of his Mother Jessie…of his sister Bonnie…of his family…

  He looked up at the clear blue sky overhead. He spotted a disc-shaped cloud that looked a little like a flying saucer and felt a pang in his chest. His family was out there, somewhere - in space. And he would find them one day. Count on it. Jake silently vowed to himself.

  Being around the Quarks was painful, and Jake didn’t want to impose upon their hospitality any longer. He looked at the makeshift houses that lined their way along the riverbank. Some were made from cement blocks and had tin roofs, while some of the dwellings were simpler and made out of wood with thatched roofs. It was getting colder out. Christmas was just around the corner. Jake wondered what would happen to these people, err, aliens once it started to get really cold out or when it started to snow. Would they be warm enough in such simple dwellings?

  Several more hours passed and Jake accidentally fell asleep while fishing. The Green Avenger didn’t mind though and let Jake sleep until late afternoon. He shook Jake awake and showed Jake the tiny lone fish that he had managed to catch that day and that was swimming in the bucket.

  “Ah, I fell asleep?” Jake asked with a hand behind his head in a bashful gesture. “Sorry about that, buddy. Hey…I have a question for ya, Green. Would it be possible for me to build my own house here on the riverbank? I don’t want to impose on Mr. and Mrs. Quark any longer.” And besides it’s kinda hard to jerk off if two old people are sleeping in the bed right across the room.

  The Green Avenger gave him a surprised look. “Oh? I’m sure they don’t mind…”

  Jake frowned. “I just…want to be independent.”

  “Oh~ you mean, you can’t jerk off with Mrs. Quark watching.” The Green Avenger nodded knowingly to himself as he began to gather up his tackle box, the two fishing poles and the bucket that contained the lonely fish.

  “Oi!” Jake blushed. “Although, that’s kinda true…”

  “You’ll have to ask Mayor Stark.” The Green Avenger said.

  Mayor Stark popped up out of nowhere again with a poof!

  What is he? Some kind of magician? Jake mused.

  “I’ve already made preparations for that, Jake Lonestar. Follow me.” Mayor Stark declared as he started off down the riverbank.

  The Green Avenger and Jake exchanged a questioning look before they both shrugged, and took off after Mayor Stark. The Green Avenger was struggling with all the things he had to carry but Jake was feeling lazy and so didn’t ask Green if he needed any help. Mayor Stark stopped in front of a conspicuous pile of logs, and two large pieces of tin that were both twenty feet by twenty feet.

  “I already took the liberty of acquiring the needed materials for you to make yourself a new home here, Jake Lonestar.” Mayor Stark informed him pointing his white sword-cane at the logs and pieces of tin.

  Jake looked at the pile of materials in surprise. “Whoa…thanks Mayor Stark.”

  “You’re very welcome. The materials mysteriously appeared here, so it’s convenient to have you use them. Have the Green Avenger help you. Good luck.” Mayor Stark said as he walked off and then went poof! as he just disappeared.

  Jake shook his head at the fox alien’s antics. “…so Green do you know anything about building a house?”

  “Hell no.” The Green Avenger quickly admitted.

  Jake shrugged and the two young m
en set to work with organizing the materials. First, they needed to move the logs closer to where Jake would be building his home. Jake was able to carry an entire log all on his own, and so the Green Avenger decided to attempt this feat as well. He struggled with lifting one of the logs up and spun it around without looking where he was going and accidentally ended up hitting Jake hard on the back of his head with a loud THUNK!

  Jake was instantly knocked out cold. His body appeared to turn to jelly as it just collapsed to the ground. “Jake!” The Green Avenger rushed to his side and knelt next to him concernedly. “Shit…what have I done? I’ve killed Jake Lonestar! Oh no!” The Green Avenger began to lament dramatically.

  However, Jake suddenly sat up and opened his eyes. He then stood up and tied his hair into a ponytail. When Jake spoke it was in a low, gruff tone. “I am Samurai Orochi!” The Green Avenger watched in awe and noticed that the sword at Jake’s side was glowing and pulsing with a green light. “Kappa! Am I to understand that a dwelling is to be made out of these materials?” Orochi asked the Green Avenger.

  The Green Avenger nodded dumbly. “Yea…”

  “Very well.” Orochi nodded as he unsheathed his living-metal sword and pointed it at the pile of logs in one fluid motion. “This challenge is all too easy. I will accomplish this task in a moment.” He stated in a booming, confident voice.

  The Green Avenger felt a trickle of sweat form on his brow as he looked at Jake. “Er…Jake…what happened? Are you okay?” Shit! Shit! Shit! I must have hit his head harder than I thought! I gave Jake brain damage! And he didn’t seem to have a lot of brain cells to begin with. Nooo~ I need to get him to a hospital!

  The Green Avenger gripped his head in worry and began to pull and tug at his green spandex mask.

  Orochi took a stance before the pile of logs, “Silence, lowly kappa - I need to concentrate and center my chi.” Orochi took a deep breath and let it out slowly. His gaze narrowed fiercely at the logs. “HAH!” Orochi moved his sword skillfully through the air, and chopped and cut the logs that soon went flying through the air. Orochi hit the logs with the back of his sword to send them flying into the desired positions.

  The Green Avenger’s eyes widened like saucers as he watched Orochi work, “Cool.” He murmured as slowly a well-built log cabin began to take shape right before his eyes. I knew this guy was cool and worth following…he’s a true superhero.

  A little ways down the riverbank, Zoe was sitting outside of her tiny house reclining in a lounge chair. She was dressed in a skimpy green bikini and sunning herself. Being a plant alien it was very important for her to get lots of sunlight. Her golden skin seemed to glow as the sun’s rays hit her exposed flesh.

  Linx sniffed the air curiously as he made his way down the riverbank. There was a tantalizing smell wafting through the air that was making him feel frisky. He wasn’t too surprised when he ended up at Zoe’s house. He sniffed the air in the plant alien girl’s direction and only confirmed that it was Zoe’s scent that seemed to drive him wild. “Zoe~ my love! How are you doing, this fine day?” Linx greeted before launching himself at Zoe for a hug.

  Without even looking up from the human Cosmo magazine she was reading she snapped her fingers and vines instantly began to wrap around Linx in order to restrain him. The deadly alien plant didn’t stop wrapping vine after vine around Linx until he was completely unable to move.

  “I have you now, Space Pirate Linx!” Came a confident female voice.

  “Ugh, it’s that busybody.” Zoe complained as she looked up to see Astra approaching the tied up Linx with her blaster raised. “Can’t a girl read a human fashion magazine in peace?” Zoe exclaimed before snapping her fingers again.

  Vines shot out towards Astra who instantly reacted by firing her blaster at the vines. She managed to hit the vines and with a piercing cry the vines retreated.

  Zoe put her magazine down and angrily glared at Astra. “How dare you hurt my plant, Astra! What are you even doing here?”

  “I’m here for Linx’s head, you know that!” Astra declared loudly.

  “Oh? I never knew you were such a slut to make such a bold comment like that.” Zoe said teasingly. “But if you haven’t noticed…Linx is interested in me not you.”

  Astra blushed. “That’s not what I meant! I’m here to arrest him! Stop getting in my way, Zoe!” Astra pointed her blaster in Zoe’s direction.

  Zoe immediately hopped up from her lounge chair in order to face Astra, “Bring it on, you smelly fish!”

  Astra’s expression turned indignant. “Smelly fish? I am not a smelly fish, you…you…pesky WEED!”

  “Weed?!” Zoe shouted back.

  “Hey, Zoe, if you need help putting sunscreen on your back just let me know.” Linx said but his voice was slightly muffled from the vines that were trying to strangle him.

  The two alien girls were about to attack each other when they noticed the commotion going on a little ways down the riverbank. The girls both turned to look at what was going on and their eyes simultaneously widened as they saw Jake flinging logs into the air using a sword and slowly building a log cabin.

  “What’s that crazy hu- err, Martian doing?!” Zoe exclaimed.

  Astra gave Zoe a penetrating look before shrugging. “Hell if I know. We should go check it out.”

  “Definitely.” Zoe agreed and snapped her fingers. The alien plant instantly released Linx who had been dangling several feet above the ground. He fell to the ground with a loud thud. The girls ignored him as they made their way down the riverbank towards Jake and the Green Avenger.

  “Hey! Wait up, ladies!” Linx called after the ex-bounty hunter and Galaxy Police officer as he pushed himself to his feet and stumbled after them. Linx’s eyes were drawn to Astra’s nicely shaped butt and he began to drool. Why was it that he always grew hungry if he stared at Astra a little too long?

  Zoe’s eyes widened as she drew closer to Jake making his log cabin. “Impressive. It looks like Jake is really good at construction work…” Zoe stroked her chin thoughtfully as a sudden idea came to her. Her expression turned mischievous. “I should get him to make some alterations to my house. Maybe I could have him add a pool or even a Jacuzzi.” Usually this foolish human is repulsive and stupid, but right now he seems…different. Cool, confident, powerful. He seems attractive.

  Astra gave Zoe a displeased look. “And how do you intend to get him to do that for you?” She raised an eyebrow at the plant alien.

  A sly smile spread across Zoe’s face. “Why, how else? I’ll use my feminine wiles, of course.” Zoe ran her hands over her petite curves.

  Astra rolled her eyes at Zoe. “Shouldn’t you put some clothes on, you exhibitionist?”

  “You’re just jealous of my zero percent body fat, chubby.” A cat’s paw smile curled Zoe’s lips.

  “Chubby?!” Astra’s eye twitched. “I am not chubby! This is pure muscle.” Astra argued as she ran a hand over her arm muscles self-consciously.

  “Uh huh.” Zoe didn’t sound too convinced.

  Linx drew closer and watched Jake’s feat becoming grudgingly impressed. “He’s not half bad…for a lazy idiot.” But then Linx overheard Zoe’s comment and his heart sank at the same time his expression turned horrified. “Eh? Zoe! What do you intend to do exactly?” As Linx distractedly spoke with Zoe - Astra was trying to put a pair of handcuffs on the space pirate, but he suddenly leapt out of Astra’s grasp using his catlike reflexes.

  “Tsk.” Astra chewed on her thumb nail in irk that Linx had escaped her grasp yet again.

  “Nooo~ Zoe my love~ don’t do it. I’ll help you build a Jacuzzi. You don’t need to ask that creepy Martian.” Linx moaned.

  Zoe ignored Linx as she approached Orochi, who had just flung the tin roof up onto the finished foundation for the log cabin. Orochi sheathed his sword and turned around just in time to see Zoe sashaying towards him, a playful smile on her face.

  Orochi raised an eyebrow at Zoe as
she approached him, taking in the sight of her scantily clad form and the emerald green bikini she was wearing. His eye twitched. “Woman…what kind of shameless attire is that?” He questioned in a growl.

  Zoe ignored Orochi’s words and continued to approach him until she was standing directly in front of him. She then wrapped her arms around Orochi’s neck and pressed her pert breasts against Orochi’s chest. “It’s my bikini…” She purred. “Do you like it? It’s Chanel.”

  For a moment, Orochi appeared to be unaffected by Zoe’s bold advances. “Woman…do you wish to bear my children that badly? Very well…do as you wish.”

  Zoe began to draw teasing circles with her finger on Orochi’s chest. “Neh…if we make love will you help me to build a Jacuzzi?”

  Orochi’s brow furrowed at the unfamiliar term. “What is this thing you call a Jacuzzi?”

  “I’ll take that as a yes. I wouldn’t normally be so forward, but right now you seem incredibly irresistible…” Zoe purred as she leaned forward and pressed her lips to Orochi’s.

  Inner Jake pouted: What the hell is that supposed to mean? That normally I’m not irresistible?

  Linx staggered backwards in astonishment as he watched Zoe making out with that loser Martian Jake Lonestar. “Grrrr…Jake Lonestar! How dare you kiss my Zoe!”

  Inner Jake: Ah~ Orochi you pervert! Let her go! You can’t kiss Zoe like that in my body! We can’t have sex with her…she’ll get hurt! Ahhhh! Jake began to panic and Orochi finally appeared to become overwhelmed since he had merely been putting up a tough front.

  “Too shameless…” Orochi muttered before he passed out.

  Jake’s body fell to the ground at Zoe’s feet and she looked down at his fallen form in surprise. Jake started to regain consciousness and pushed himself up off the ground only to look up and notice Zoe, Astra, Linx and the Green Avenger all gathered around him staring at him with concerned looks on their faces. He looked over at the sultry Zoe stalking towards him again, and at the furious looking space pirate Linx that seemed to have an aura of flames around him, he was so angry. Jake swallowed thickly. Uh oh…that can’t be good!

  “Jake Lonestar! You will pay for having sullied my love’s pure lips! Arghhhh! Die!” Linx took out a blaster and aimed it at Jake’s head.

  Oh crap! Samurai…you can come back now! Jake moaned in his mind as he was forced to dodge red lazer beams.

  “Die pervert!” Linx growled as he took off after Jake, who had taken off running down the riverbank.

  Inner Jake: Ahhh~ why did that perverted samurai have to unpossess me now and leave me to face Linx all on my own?! Damned perverted samurai: Woman…do you wish to bear my children that badly…very well. Ah! Who says stuff like that?! I’m so going to dieeeeee!

  Jake ran down the riverbank with Linx hot on his heels. Astra noticed that the Martian was in grave danger and decided to arrest Linx. “Linx - wait! You’re under arrest!” Astra took off running after Linx.

  “Hey! Linx! Don’t hurt my new carpenter! Mou! Geez!” Zoe took off running after the group.

  The Green Avenger watched all the commotion and felt a trickle of sweat form on his brow. “Man, Jake sure is popular. He’s so lucky. He’s so cool.” The Green Avenger said with a wistful note to his voice. If only Astra would chase me, I could just die happy.

  ***

  After giving the slip to the space pirate, ex-bounty hunter and the Galaxy Police officer Jake snuck his way back to his new log cabin. Jake sighed heavily and looked around to see if anyone was watching before he lifted his arm and sniffed under his armpit. Jake made a disgusted face. “Phew! I stink! God, I need a bath…but how am I going to take one around here?”

  “Jake-san! You’re back!” The Green Avenger had suddenly appeared next to him, making Jake jump about a foot in the air.

  Did Green just see me smelling my armpit? So not cool. “Err, yea, hey Green, how does a guy take a bath around here. I stink, dude.”

  “Oh, that’s easy. I’ll show you.” The Green Avenger declared before he ran off down the riverbank. Jake watched him leave with a baffled look on his face before Green returned a few minutes later rolling a gigantic metal barrel across the muddy ground.

  “Hey, what’s that for?” Jake asked but the Green Avenger ran off again before answering to return about a minute later with an armful of sticks. When the Green Avenger returned, however, Jake noticed that he looked like he’d put on a ton of weight all of a sudden. His stomach was as big as Santa Clause’s! The Green Avenger set the barrel on top of the pile of sticks, opened his mouth and suddenly released a stream of water, which he used to fill the entire barrel. He then bent down to set fire to the sticks using some matches. Wiping the sweat from his brow the Green Avenger stood back to watch as the water heated up.

  “Wow.” Jake said. “Thanks.”

  “No prob.” The Green Avenger grinned back at his human friend before sticking his hand into the barrel of water and checking out the temperature. He nodded to himself. “The water should be alright now. You can get in now but-”

  “Yahooo!” Jake cried as he quickly stripped off his clothes and even his boxers, and leapt into the barrel, causing the water to splash out of the barrel and hit the Green Avenger right in the face.

  “You shouldn’t bathe naked.” The Green Avenger finished with a sigh as he wiped the water off his facemask. “Astra will arrest you for indecent exposure and maybe even sexual harassment if she sees you like that. She’s a real stickler for the rules. She’ll throw you in jail.” The Green Avenger shivered at the thought.

  Jake raised an eyebrow at his green friend. “This community has a jail? Huh…better hand me those boxers, Green.”

  “Right.” The Green Avenger moved to retrieve Jake’s boxers, however-

  At that exact moment, the sound of two horses galloping down the riverbank approaching them was heard. Jake and the Green Avenger turned to see that surprisingly Mr. Suit and Ultraviolet were both on horseback. Jake’s attention was immediately focused upon the horse that Ultraviolet was riding. The horse had a glossy, orange-brown coat that was similar in color to Jake’s hair. He then noticed the cybernetic legs, battle armor, and high-tech visor that the horse had. It was a cyborg warhorse. Jake sucked in a breath at the horse’s beauty as they drew closer.

  Ultraviolet rode up until she was right in front of Jake’s barrel. She pulled back on the warhorse’s reigns to stop the horse and Jake watched impressed as the horse stopped on a dime. That horse would make a good polo horse, Jake thought. Ultraviolet’s lip curled back as she took in Jake’s current state. “What are you doing naked in that barrel, pervert?”

  Jake blushed and wondered if Ultraviolet had x-ray vision or something. Jake decided that he’d rather not know. “I’m taking a bath - what does it look like I’m doing, V!?”

  Mr. Suit stopped Pinstripe a little farther away from Jake’s barrel and began to look around the mysterious community that had appeared out of nowhere underneath the Brooklyn Bridge. “This is where you live? Here under the Brooklyn Bridge like a homeless person? How pathetic. You really are a loser. You have absolutely no taste.” Mr. Suit looked down his nose at Jake with a haughty expression on his face. “And bathing out in the open like some kind of brainless Neanderthal? Please. There could be ladies present. This behavior is completely inappropriate, Jake. Tell me you’re not naked in that barrel, at least?” Mr. Suit pushed his green-tinted sunglasses up his nose as he peered at Jake intensely.

  Jake’s eye twitched. Mr. Suit really knew how to get under his skin. “Hey! Oi! This place isn’t that bad - you don’t even know anything about it. So don’t insult it! And-” Jake blushed. “Most people are naked when they bathe so…”

  Mr. Suit gave Jake a disturbed look. “Disgusting…”

  Ultraviolet nodded in agreement, “Yep, disgusting…” She fished out a cigarette from her cleavage, lit it and took a drag.

  The Green Avenger was looking at the newco
mers curiously and wanted to introduce himself but his shyness was getting the better of him. They were obviously from the SSF - real superheroes! The man in the technological suit seemed really cool and the battle maid seemed tough.

  Mr. Suit gave Ultraviolet a surprised look and a strange, almost wistful expression came over his face before he shook his head and seemed to gather his thoughts. “Hey, Ultraviolet, do you happen to have an extra smoke?”

  “Sure.” Ultraviolet reached into her cleavage, pulled out another cigarette, and handed it to Mr. Suit.

  “Thank you.” Mr. Suit said as he put the cigarette between his lips. “Got a light?” Ultraviolet maneuvered her warhorse to get closer to Pinstripe, and then leaning over so that she was practically falling out of her saddle she closed the distance between Mr. Suit’s face and her own.

  Jake’s eyes widened in shock and he wondered what the hell they were up to until he watched Ultraviolet using her own cigarette to light Mr. Suit’s. As their cigarettes touched, their faces were only about two inches apart, and Jake saw that they stared intensely into each other’s eyes.

  Jake’s face turned red with embarrassment, humiliation, and now anger as he watched the closeness between Mr. Suit and Ultraviolet. Jake decided to do his best to spoil their moment. “Oi! What the hell are you two even doing here anyways? Geez!”

  Ultraviolet pulled her face away from Mr. Suit’s with a blank expression on her face before moving her horse away from Pinstripe. She then dismounted from the horse and approached Jake with a backpack held in her hand. “We have a case - or rather Mr. Suit and you have a new case. Dr. Valery sent me to make sure you got your new uniform and to ensure that you wear it.” There was a mysterious twinkle in Ultraviolet’s eye.

  “My new uniform?” Jake asked.

  Ultraviolet tossed the backpack close to the barrel Jake was in, and then she caught sight of the pile of Jake’s other clothing. She walked over to the pile of clothes, and gave it a thoughtful look before taking the cigarette out of her mouth and tossing it right onto the pile of clothes, which immediately caught on fire and began to burn spectacularly.

  Jake’s eyes widened in horror. “Oi! What the hell did you do that for?! Those were my clothes and…boxers. You are a very mean, android! Did you know that! Totally uncute!” He pouted and frowned at the spunky android.

  Ultraviolet grinned. “You won’t be needing them anymore, idiot. Hurry up and get dressed. Well, I’m waiting.” Ultraviolet gave Jake an expectant look and began to tap her boot upon the ground in an impatient manner.

  Jake flushed. “Fine! Just - just turn around and give me some privacy would you guys? Geesh.”

  Mr. Suit dismounted from his horse and then the three all turned around obligingly, so that Jake could get out of the barrel and change into his new SSF uniform. Jake hopped out of the barrel and quickly wrapped a towel around his waist before opening the backpack to inspect the clothes that Dr. Valery had provided for him. He had to admit that he was curious about what kind of a uniform Dr. Valery had designed for him. The other members of the SSF had told Jake all about Dr. Valery’s superhero fetish during their encounter at the dojo. Dr. Valery took it upon herself to design everyone in the SSF a costume, err, uniform and even chose everyone’s superhero name.

  Jake took the clothes out and immediately groaned in despair. He should have known better than to get his hopes up. They were pretty flashy but…maybe they weren’t so bad. Jake just wasn’t sure he could pull them off without looking like a clown. Jake quickly dressed and coughed loudly once he was done to alert the others that he was decent. “You bums can turn around now.”

  The Green Avenger, Mr. Suit, and Ultraviolet turned back around to see Jake in his new uniform as an honorary member of the SSF. The three were instantly rendered silent by the sight of Jake in his new uniform.

  Jake was wearing a black leather, cowboy hat, and black domino mask that instantly made his face look more sinister, but in a good, tough-guy, badass sort of way. He was wearing a black haori (wrap shirt) that was still slightly open in front enough to reveal Jake’s tan, muscular chest. He was also wearing a pair of tight blue jeans along with a pair of leather chaps. The jeans were too tight and made Jake feel uncomfortable in them. He was pretty sure a guy had to be gay to wear such tight pants. Dr. Valery had somehow managed to find him an awesome pair of Western-style, cowboy boots that had shiny silver spurs.

  Jake flushed as the others stared at him silently with their jaws hanging open. That was either a good reaction or a very bad one.

  Jake would never believe it but he looked incredibly handsome and cool in the outfit Dr. Valery had designed for him.

  “I knew it…it’s too much.” Jake hung his head like a dejected puppy. “I probably look like a complete idiot. I’ll just go and find a hole to crawl into now…” Jake said before he turned around and dragged his feet as he began to walk down the riverbank.

  The Green Avenger was the first to recover from his initial shock. “Wait! Jake! Come back! You look freaking awesome, dude. You look like a real superhero! I’m sure everyone was just caught off guard by how great you look, like I was.”

  “He is a real superhero.” Mr. Suit decided to inform the Green Avenger as he pushed his green-tinted sunglasses up his nose as he peered at the strange vigilante that seemed oddly familiar. “He’s a member of the SSF now and my partner.” At least I won’t be embarrassed to be seen with him. He actually looked pretty tough now. Wow…clothes can really create quite the illusion. It’s even better than a hologram.

  Jake slowly turned around to face the others but froze at Mr. Suit’s words. Had Mr. Suit just accepted Jake as his partner? Wow. People sure are superficial. Jake thought to himself.

  The Green Avenger was looking excited as he was practically jumping up and down on his feet. “What’s Jake’s superhero name? The one Dr. Valery came up with for him?”

  “Cowboy Samurai,” Ultraviolet revealed with a smirk.

  “Cowboy Samurai Jake Lonestar? Dang, that’s so cool!” The Green Avenger gushed.

  Jake blushed at all the attention he was suddenly getting.

  “It’s not horrible…” Mr. Suit conceded with a nod. “You don’t look…awful.”

  Jake gave Mr. Suit a surprised look at the backhanded compliment. He grinned. “If I didn’t know any better Mr. Suit I’d think you just gave me a compliment.”

  “Yea, well, you must be hearing things…” Mr. Suit groused, turning to look away and taking a long drag from his cigarette. It was almost down to the filter now.

  Ultraviolet lit up another cig, which Mr. Suit eyed enviously, “Yea, you don’t look half bad, pervy cowboy samurai.”

  “Today is a momentous occasion, my friends!” The Green Avenger stated as he unexpectedly threw his arms around Ultraviolet’s and Mr. Suit’s shoulders, and brought them into a sort of hug. “The day superhero Cowboy Samurai Jake was born! I’m going to go and mark this on my special superhero calendar. Oh, and I should probably make an announcement on the Green Avenger website. Maybe make a Tweet.”

  Ultraviolet shoved the touchy-feely kappa alien off of her. “I was sent here by Dr. Valery for one more reason. This cyborg warhorse is yours, Jake. Her name is Ginger.” Ultraviolet informed Jake coolly and watched his reaction closely. This was going to be so good.

  Jake’s expression shifted to surprise as he turned to look at the cyborg warhorse. “Ginger, huh?” A goofy smile formed on Jake’s face and he reached his hand out to pet the horse, however, his expression suddenly fell. He shook his head and lowered his hand, balling it into a fist. “I can’t…ride a horse. I can’t…even pet her.”

  Ultraviolet gave Jake a confused look. This was not the reaction she had been expecting. Dr. Valery had informed her that according to her research Jake Lonestar loved horses. “You don’t know how to ride? But Dr. Valery said that you grew up on a ranch…”

  “It’s not that…I…because of my inhumane stren
gth I can’t ride a horse. I could accidentally kill her…” Jake hung his head, and his cowboy hat shadowed his eyes making his expression appear dark.

  “You really are an idiot,” Mr. Suit began as he tossed his finished cigarette on the ground and snuffed it out with his Ferragamo, “Ginger is a genetically engineered warhorse and a cyborg. She can handle even your monstrous strength. Dr. Valery made her specially for you. So, there’s no way you could hurt her even if you tried.” Mr. Suit wondered if he should give into his craving and ask Ultraviolet for a cigarette. He shook his head and decided against it. He was trying to quit after all.

  Jake looked up with a hopeful expression on his face. It reminded Mr. Suit of the expectant look a puppy gives its Master when it’s about to be fed. “Really?”

  “Dr. Valery assured me that this horse would be able to handle your monstrous strength.” Ultraviolet reaffirmed.

  The Green Avenger was looking at everyone with a confused expression on his face. “Hey, why would Jake think that he could hurt a horse?”

  “Because he’s an idiot.” Mr. Suit supplied helpfully.

  Jake shot a glare Mr. Suit’s way. “I’m not an idiot. I…back when Nova Inara first changed me I…I accidentally killed my best friend…my horse named Patch…I killed her. I was really depressed and went to hang out with Patch at the stables. I was crying. I hugged Patch and accidentally broke her neck.” Jake related his sad tale to the others brokenly, with his fists clenched at his sides. His eyes burned as he remembered his beautiful horse Patch. “I’m a monster…a murderer…” Jake murmured and didn’t even realize he had said this last bit aloud.

  Ultraviolet and Mr. Suit exchanged a concerned look. Ultraviolet blew a cloud of smoke into the air. “Idiot…that wasn’t your fault. It was an accident.”

  “Indeed.” Mr. Suit hesitated before reaching out and squeezing Jake’s shoulder in a reassuring gesture. “There’s no use beating yourself up over it. What’s done, is done. You are not a monster.”

  Jake looked up and gave Mr. Suit and Ultraviolet a surprised look. “Thanks guys.”

  Mr. Suit quickly released his hold on Jake’s shoulder and noticing that Jake was watching him he decided to make a show of wiping his hand off on his pant leg. “Come on slowpoke. We have a case to solve. The NYPD contacted us this morning with a DOA. There’s been a murder and they think E.T. Tech is involved, which is why they naturally called us. We need to go and investigate immediately before the killer’s trail grows cold.”

  Jake hurried up to Ginger and greeted her for the first time. “Howdy little lady, I guess you’re going to be my new horse.” He reached out and stroked her muzzle tenderly. Ginger nuzzled her nose against Jake’s hand and let out a happy little puff of air as if to say ‘pleased to meet you too’. Jake grinned and walked around to her side before gripping the horn of the saddle and swinging himself up. I can’t believe this beautiful horse is actually mine. I can’t stop smiling. If this is a dream I hope I never wake up. “Yee haw! Alright!” Jake took his cowboy hat off and whirled it through the air excitedly. “This is so awesome, dude!”

  Mr. Suit chuckled at Jake’s antics. “Let’s ride!” He said before snapping his reigns and urging his horse into a swift gallop down the riverbank. “See if you can keep up, idiot!”

  Jake clicked his tongue at Ginger and lightly squeezed his legs around her in order to get her trotting and Ginger immediately responded. Jake quickly shot off down the riverbank after Mr. Suit and Pinstripe as Ginger began to transition into a gallop, leaving the Green Avenger and Ultraviolet to watch them go with wistful expressions on their faces.

  “Aren’t you going to go with them?” Green asked the android curiously.

  Ultraviolet shook her head. “No…I’m not an official member of the SSF. I’m Jake’s bodyguard…”

  “Yea? I wish I could be a real superhero.” The Green Avenger confided to Ultraviolet. “Then I could go with them.”

  Ultraviolet raised an eyebrow at the kappa alien. And I wish I could be a real woman. Then maybe they wouldn’t have left me behind. “Yea, me too.”

  Mr. Suit rode up the sloping riverbank and emerged on a side road that he took to the Brooklyn Bridge. Soon, Mr. Suit and Jake were riding across the Brooklyn Bridge on their cyborg warhorses and zipping through traffic. It wasn’t long before they had entered the city. Jake was impressed by how easily the warhorses were able to keep up and merge with the traffic.

  Jake was also extremely happy. Jake thought that he’d never get to ride a horse ever again. And now he was riding this genetically engineered cyborg warhorse that could keep up with a Porsche Boxster. “Whoo doggie!” Jake was grinning from ear to ear. “What’s the fastest a cyborg warhorse can actually go?” He called out to Mr. Suit.

  “Two hundred miles per hour!” Mr. Suit shouted back.

  “Cool.” Came Jake’s stunned sounding voice.

  Galloping through traffic and swerving around cars, Jake felt free for the first time in a long time. He also felt genuinely happy and felt closer to his Father James.

  Father…when I grow up I want to be a cowboy just like you!

  Another thing that Jake found to be extremely strange was that he wasn’t afraid. Back at the Lonestar Ranch he had been extremely afraid the few times he had been on horseback, but…there was something about Ginger. He didn’t feel afraid on her, instead he felt safe, and protected. Ginger was an awesome horse. Jake reached out and patted Ginger’s neck affectionately.

  Ginger was a genetically engineered cyborg warhorse. A war - horse. A horse designed to be able to participate in battle. That could and would be put in danger. Jake frowned suddenly and gripped his hands tighter around the reigns. This time, he’d make sure nothing would happen to his horse, even if it cost him his own life.

  ***

  Ten minutes later, Jake and Mr. Suit arrived at a slightly dilapidated apartment building where Mr. Suit informed Jake that the murder had taken place. Mr. Suit quickly led Jake inside of the building and they took the rickety elevator to the forth floor. Mr. Suit then led the way to the victim’s room where several cops were waiting for them. Mr. Suit flashed them a special badge as he entered the room as if he owned the place. Jake looked over Mr. Suit’s shoulder at the special badge curiously: it consisted of a bronze-colored samurai helmet with a domino mask over the top. Beneath the icon were the letters SSF in black.

  “SSF. Where’s the body?” Mr. Suit greeted curtly and in a slightly impatient tone as if he didn’t have all day.

  A New York cop’s eyebrows rose as he caught sight of the special badge Mr. Suit had flashed and took in Mr. Suit’s smart-suit and Jake’s flashy cowboy samurai outfit with wide eyes. “Oh, you guys are from the SSF…yea, the body’s over this way…” The cop stuttered as he began to lead the way.

  “Hey, look, real superheroes.” Jake heard one of the cops mutter to his partner who was standing next to him.

  The star-struck cop led Jake and Mr. Suit over to the body of an overweight man, who was laying face on the floor in a pool of his own blood. Mr. Suit quickly put on a pair of rubber gloves and unflinchingly knelt down by the body in order to get a closer look.

  Jake moved to get closer too but quickly ended up putting his hand over his mouth as he began to feel a bit queasy. A dead body was a gruesome sight. Jake looked over at Mr. Suit and couldn’t understand how someone could be so emotionally unaffected by something like a dead body. Wasn’t anyone going to act sad? Cry?

  “His throat was slashed by some kind of knife or blade, but the wound appears to be cauterized. Which is why we called you guys.” The cop began to explain. “We’ve been trained to spot wounds caused by living-metal weapons, so we knew as soon as we saw this to call the SSF to take over this case. The person who did this…had to have been some kind of cyborg, right?” The cop asked in a slightly excited tone.

  “This is no time to be impressed, officer.” Mr. Suit said as he inspected the wound aroun
d the man’s neck. Mr. Suit reached out and poked the wound slightly and Jake cringed. Mr. Suit confirmed the officer’s findings and noticed that the wounds were slightly burned. Living-metal plasma burns. “These are plasma energy burns alright. The perpetrator probably possesses a living-metal weapon and is most likely a cyborg since most normal people wouldn’t be able to handle a living-metal weapon without the enhanced reflexes cybernetics can provide. What’s the vic’s name?” Maybe if I know who he is I can figure out who would have wanted him dead. The perpetrator tends to be someone who was close to the victim. Spouse, friends, family.

  “The victim’s name was Henry Carter. Twenty years old. He was an online Harvard University Student.” The cop informed Mr. Suit. “The other tenants who live in this apartment building said he barely left his room. He didn’t have any known friends. And his family is dead. It doesn’t leave any suspects.”

  “Henry Carter, huh…” Mr. Suit suddenly spotted something on the back of the victim’s neck. Mr. Suit bent over to move the man’s shirt collar down so that he could take a better look. What he saw was a tattoo of a red scorpion. “A red scorpion…I think I know who this man really was.”

  “Who?” Jake asked, wondering how Mr. Suit could have possibly figured things out so fast.

  Mr. Suit straightened and took his rubber gloves off before throwing them away in a nearby trashcan. “This man was a cyber hacker. His Internet identity was Red Scorpion. I’ve chatted with him online before. He was…a nice guy. I can’t believe Red Scorpion is dead. He was one of the best hackers out there.” A dark scowl formed on Mr. Suit’s face at the thought. “There’s a lot of demand for E.T. Tech right now people are paying big bucks for it. Red Scorpion would hack into people’s computers steal the Tech and then sell it to the highest bidder, all online. I think I know why the Red Scorpion was killed.” Mr. Suit said and paused for dramatic effect causing Jake and the New York cop to hold their breaths. “He must have gotten his hands on some really valuable, E.T. Tech. I’d like to know what it was.” Mr. Suit declared and pushed his green-tinged sunglasses up his nose in an intellectual gesture.

  The cop looked thoroughly impressed. “Wow…that was some pretty fast police work right there. I’ll leave you boys to it then.” The cop said before he walked away to handle keeping snoopy tenants away from the crime scene.

  Mr. Suit approached Jake and spoke in a low voice. “There’s something you should know about all this Jake…what do you think E.T. stands for?”

  “Huh? Extraterrestrial, right?” Jake blinked.

  Mr. Suit gave Jake a surprised look. “You are indeed correct. Most people wouldn’t have guessed that, but considering everything you’ve been through it makes sense. E.T. Tech actually stands for Extreme Tech. You have to remember Jake that only select individuals who are a part of a secret society actually know the truth about how magic in Japan was actually produced by advanced alien technology and about how most of the advanced technology we’re seeing right now, including cyborg technology, came from aliens.

  “To those that know that aliens actually exist E.T. Tech means just that - Extraterrestrial Tech. The aliens who live among us here in NYC have recently begun to leak their technology over the Internet. It’s really beginning to stir things up. For the rest of the people in NYC who are still living in ignorance to the existence of aliens, but who have accepted that there now exists advanced forms of technology, we created the term ‘Extreme Tech’. As a member of the SSF you have to make sure not to stupidly talk about aliens to the New York cops, okay Jake?”

  “Don’t worry, I understand.” Jake nodded but Mr. Suit didn’t appear all that assuaged. “Hey, stop looking at me like that, geez. Anyways, what kind of E.T. Tech did the Red Scorpion steal, do you think?” Jake asked.

  “Only one way to find out.” Mr. Suit walked over to the victim’s metal computer desk and took a seat in front of the computer. He cracked his knuckles and waggled his fingers to gain flexibility before he put his hands on the keyboard and began typing at a furious rate. “When aliens leak their technology over the Internet skilled hackers can trace the source so that they can steal even more technology. I bet they’d piss in their pants if they actually realized they were hacking into aliens’ personal computers!”

  A window popped up on the screen and Mr. Suit frowned. “His computer is encrypted and password protected. But then again, I would have been surprised if it wasn’t. This will just take a moment to hack.” Mr. Suit began to type swiftly again as he began to try various passwords that he thought his friend Red Scorpion would have used.

  Jake peered over Mr. Suit’s shoulder curiously as he watched him work. “Think you can really figure it out?”

  “Oh, there’s no doubt. Online I’m known as Cufflink. I’m an Alpha Class Hacker. This is nothing.” Mr. Suit’s fingers continued to fly over the keys and Jake was beginning to get dizzy just from watching Mr. Suit hack.

  The window suddenly said ‘password accepted’ and disappeared. Mr. Suit instantly had access to the Red Scorpion’s desktop and entire computer. “I’m in…let’s see what you were up to Red Scorpion…”

  Jake watched in awe as the hacker brought up several different windows that had streaming lines of numbers, data, and various information related to E.T. Tech. Jake couldn’t make heads or tails of all the information that Mr. Suit was currently looking at.

  “Shit!” Mr. Suit suddenly swore, “It looks like he recently deleted a whole bunch of files. Or maybe those files were stolen. I’ll see if I can recover anything. Or maybe I can figure out where he hacked into last…that may give me a clue.” Mr. Suit brought up a few more windows and then his eyes widened in surprise. Mr. Suit pushed the swivel chair back and spun around to face Jake with an incredulous look on his face. “It appears the Red Scorpion hacked into the super computer of the NeoTech Corporation.”

  Jake blinked. “NeoTech Corporation? You mean Dr. Valery’s super computer that’s connected with the mansion? No way!”

  ***

  Jake and Mr. Suit left the ratty apartment building and quickly mounted their cyborg warhorses. They rode back to the SSF Headquarters (a.k.a Dr. Valery’s mansion) immediately. It took them twenty minutes to arrive at the mansion. As soon as they had put Ginger and Pinstripe safely away into their stables (Jake was a little jealous of their automatic feeding troughs) they entered the mansion and made their way to the CIC (Combat Information Center) where Dr. Valery and the rest of the SSF were currently.

  The CIC was a large room with a rectangular shaped table in the center with several computers. Towards the back of the room was a gigantic super computer, which reminded Jake of the other super computer he had seen within Dr. Valery’s laboratory. Monitors were hung up on the walls and displayed all kinds of various data regarding cyborgs.

  As soon as Mr. Suit and Jake entered the room they immediately realized that something was wrong. Alarm sirens were going off and red lights were flashing.

  “WARNING. WARNING. SECURITY BREECH. SECURITY BREECH. I’VE BEEN HACKED INTO AND SOME DATA HAS BEEN STOLEN. INITIALIZING EMERGENCY SHUT DOWN AND REBOOT.” A synthesized voice was saying loudly.

  “Go right ahead, Computer.” Dr. Valery commanded and instantly all of the computers and screens that were in the CIC Room went dark and for a moment it was pitch-black inside of the room. However, only a few seconds passed before everything began to come back on. Jake was a little disappointed by how short that blackout had been and had to quickly hide his hand behind his back that had been reaching out towards Galaxy Girl’s tight butt.

  Mr. Suit noticed and quickly hit Jake hard over the head with the hilt of his sword.

  “Ow! What the hell?” Jake shouted, while giving Mr. Suit an incredulous look. “You’re just jealous you didn’t think of it first.”

  Mr. Suit just snorted.

  Jake noticed that Galaxy Girl, Red Dragon, Bulldozer and Black Fox were all seated at the center table in front of a computer.
Jake thought that they were probably hard at work on some top-secret complex matter and walked over to them to peer over their shoulders and see what they were up to.

  Galaxy Girl was on Facebook chatting, uploading new pictures of herself on her fanpage, and updating her status as ‘chilling in the CIC’. Jake noticed that Galaxy Girl had 5,000 friends - the maximum number of friends and that her fanpage had 30,571,321 likes! She had an iPod plugged into her ears and hadn’t even noticed that Jake had been sneaking up behind her during the blackout.

  Red Dragon had noticed however and as Jake was passing by his computer where he was doing research on the latest model cyborgs and their latest weaponry when he put his foot out to trip Jake up. Jake tripped over Red Dragon’s booted foot and hit the floor with a splat!

  Jake quickly pushed himself up off the floor and glared at Red Dragon. “Hey, what was that for?! Jerk.”

  Red Dragon just ignored Jake as he continued to type at the computer as if the incident had never happened.

  “Hey, don’t ignore me!” Jake said.

  “Huh? Did you say something loser?” Red Dragon sneered.

  “NO!” Bulldozer cried out, getting both Red Dragon’s and Jake’s attention. The two looked over to see what Bulldozer was doing at his computer and saw that he was watching a UFC fight on YouTube. “Don’t let him get you on the floor…no….get up fool!”

  Bulldozer was making a LOT of noise as he watched the UFC fight. Black Fox was seated at the computer next to him and pretending to do research on the current emergence of vigilantes in New York City. She had come across and interesting website: https://www.greenavenger.com. The Green Avenger was poorly skilled but he had his heart in the right place. Black Fox thought it wouldn’t be so bad for someone like that to join them, however, he would need to be chosen by a living-metal weapon…out of the corner of her eye Black Fox was also watching the UFC fight intently. When the fighter that Black Fox and Bulldozer had both been rooting for lost Bulldozer burst out:

  “NOOO! This is so NOT awesome!”

  Black Fox had a pen in her hand which she snapped in two. Nooo! Black Fox inwardly moaned.

  Bulldozer turned to look at Black Fox and noticed that she had actually managed to snap her fountain pen in two and that ink was running down her arm. His expression turned concerned. “Hey, Black Fox, you okay? Your pen…”

  Black Fox looked down at her pen and realized what she had done unconsciously and blushed. Getting ink everywhere like some kind of slob so went against her image!

  Galaxy Girl was giving Black Fox an appalled look. “What are you an Amazon? How could you break your pen like that…you’re getting ink all over your uniform! You better put some club soda on that stat.”

  “Club soda?” Black Fox asked.

  “Club soda?” Bulldozer echoed before he grinned and suddenly opened his chest up to reveal the inside of his mini fridge that was stocked up with cold beer, rum, coca cola, and club soda. Bulldozer took out a bottle of club soda, shook it, and opened it in Black Fox’s direction, directed at her stained bodysuit.

  The club soda hit Black Fox and completely soaked her.

  Galaxy Girl’s eyes widened in surprise before she burst out laughing.

  Black Fox calmly reached out, took a can of beer from Bulldozer’s mini fridge, shook it and opened it at Bulldozer. The beer squirted him right in the face.

  Bulldozer gave Black Fox a shocked look before he broke out into a grin. “BEER FIGHT!” He grabbed another beer can, shook it and stood up to attack Black Fox with it-

  Black Fox shook the remaining beer in her can to attack Bulldozer with it-

  The two Samurai Superheroes began to run around the CIC shaking exploding beer cans at each other and getting beer everywhere, until:

  Black Fox and Bulldozer had run out of beer and were both soaking wet, standing in front of each other, and Bulldozer was grinning like an idiot while Black Fox’s mouth was twitching as if she might smile. They moved closer, staring into each other’s eyes and were about to…?

  “Ahhh! You idiots got beer on my Christian Louboutins!” Galaxy Girl sudden shrieked. “Number One! Number Two! Number Three!”

  Galaxy Girl’s managers appeared out of nowhere and bowed in Galaxy Girl’s direction.

  “You called, Galaxy Girl?” Number One asked.

  “Number One. Clean my boots. Number Two and Number Three clean up the mess that Miss Piggy and Mad Bull have made of the CIC.”

  “Roger that, Galaxy Girl.” The managers sprang into action.

  Jake was giving Black Fox and Bulldozer a bemused look. “Hey, it looks like you two are about to kiss or something.”

  This comment made Black Fox and Bulldozer spring apart from each other.

  Black Fox - red faced - couldn’t believe what she had just done. Run around like an idiot, spraying beer at Bulldozer. She was Black fox. Sophisticated, mature fashionista. Not…Miss Piggy! She glared angrily at Bulldozer. “Look what you’ve done.”

  “I’m sorry. I was just trying to help…” Bulldozer reached out and grabbed Black Fox’s arm and touched the fading ink on her arm with his thumb. “The ink looks like its coming off…” He ran his hand down her arm unconsciously.

  Black Fox shivered at his touch. “Don’t touch me!” Black Fox batted Bulldozer’s hand away. “Idiot.”

  Bulldozer lowered his hand and looked crestfallen. “Sorry, babe.”

  But Black Fox could no longer resist Bulldozer especially covered in beer. Black Fox grabbed Bulldozer’s hand and pulled him out of the CIC. “Come with me. You need punishment.”

  “Eh?” Bulldozer grunted as Black Fox dragged him out of the CIC. “Punishment? Jake…save me!”

  Jake just watched them go with a goofy smile on his face. He knew that he didn’t need to save Bulldozer.

  “REBOOTING SYSTEM. REBOOTING SYSTEM.” The same monotone voice informed everyone.

  Dr. Valery nodded. “Welcome back, Computer.” Dr. Valery was seated before the super computer and her fingers were flying over the keyboard at a rapid rate. “Bastard sure covered his tracks…I’d like to know who he is. He’s skilled. Maybe I could try to recruit him.” A crooked smile formed on Dr. Valery’s face at the thought. “Keep your friends close, and your enemies closer.”

  “It was the Red Scorpion, Commander.” Mr. Suit said as he stalked over to stand at Dr. Valery’s side. “He’s the victim of our murder case.”

  Dr. Valery turned around to look at Mr. Suit and noticed Jake lagging behind. “Welcome back, boys. So he was the Red Scorpion, huh? Weren’t you two friends, Mr. Suit?” Mr. Suit stiffened at the question and did not reply. “I see…I’m sorry. I know how much you admired the Red Scorpion, Mr. Suit.”

  “Do you know what Tech was stolen?” Mr. Suit asked Dr. Valery curiously as he peered over her shoulder at the large computer screen and at all of the open windows.

  Jake peered over Dr. Valery’s shoulder too but was quickly distracted by Dr. Valery’s nails which Jake noticed were about one inch long, painted blue and had little yellow stars painted on them. He wondered how women could actually type with those plastic daggers attached to their fingers. Jake decided to look up at the screen next and tried to have a smart look on his face similar to the one that Mr. Suit was wearing.

  Dr. Valery’s delicate hands flew across the keyboard once more and she began to bring up various windows, which revealed different data. “Give me a moment to find out…what’s missing…shit…the blueprints for an E.T. Accelerator Device has been stolen as well as Aerocraft and hover technology. All of these Tech are illegal.

  “Whoever stole this Tech is probably going to want to sell it as soon as possible. Perhaps if you boys work fast enough the selling of my Tech can be intercepted. Mr. Suit - do you have any idea where a skilled hacker would go to find a buyer for illegal E.T. Tech like this?”

  Mr. Suit smirked as he ran a hand back through his silky hair. “Of course, I do. Buyers of E.T
. Tech usually hang out at the V.R. Club called Salamander. It’s a popular hangout for cyborgs, robots, and people into E.T. Tech in general. Doors don’t open until eleven o’clock, so we should still have a chance to intercept the selling of the Tech tonight…” Mr. Suit stroked his chin in thought.

  Dr. Valery stood up and pushed her glasses up her nose as she looked at her SSF. “Samurai Superheroes - you have a new mission: I want you to all go to Salamander undercover as cyborgs and Tech freaks, and find that E.T. Tech thief! Mr. Suit, Jake, Galaxy Girl, Red Dragon, Bulldozer, and Black Fox - we can’t let that E.T. Tech fall into the wrong hands! The consequences could be dire, understood?”

  “Understood, Commander!” The SSF cried in unison.

  “Could you please repeat that and like way more slowly?” Jake said seriously.

  Mr. Suit hit Jake over the back of his head with his fist. “Idiot.”

  Japanese Word Key:

  Ohayo minna: Good morning everyone