Wicked Bartender PG-13 Version Read online

  ***

  Later that same evening, Joan stood before the front window of Dullahan’s. She was wearing her shinning, golden armor and had her impressive, double-edged, medieval sword strapped to her side. Her silver cross dangled from around her neck. She’d already transformed into Jeanne d’Arc and was prepared to exorcise those evil spirits and lesser demons that were inside of Dullahan’s as she’d decided earlier.

  Next to her, was an enormous six hundred pound golden retriever with majestic, white, feathery wings. Michael let out a huff, mental eyebrow raised. “What is this place, Joan?”

  “My new place of employment.” Joan explained simply.

  Michael gawked at the rundown Irish pub. It looked oddly familiar. “You want to work here? But this place is…?” The guardian angel looked at the building that was surrounded by a thick, black cloud of negative energy.

  “Haunted?” Joan replied with a shrug. “I know. But I’m going to exorcise it.”

  Michael gave Joan a surprised look. “Any time I tell you to use your powers for the greater good you run away, or make a huge fuss, or refuse. What’s so different about this place?” He demanded.

  “The owner is a nice person, who needs my help. And he said I don’t have to wear a skirt to work!” There was a determined gleam in Joan’s green eyes. “I won’t find another boss like that in this entire sexist city! Especially not in this day and age! I shall protect my new boss and get rid of the ghosts here.” She vowed passionately with a fist raised before her.

  Michael rolled his eyes at Joan’s answer. That was her reason? For heaven’s sake. What am I going to do with her?

  Joan unsheathed her sword and held it out before her. She began to summon her magical power so that an aura of pure, warm, golden light began to surround her body. Her body and her sword began to glow brighter and brighter.

  The dark, swirling cloud of miasma that was curled around the building began to uncoil, and solidify once it took notice of Joan’s irresistible presence. All of the negative energy and spirits coalesced until a gigantic, black, shadowy fifty-foot long snake was moving off the building and slithering in Joan’s direction.

  This wasn’t actually a bad thing. Now all the evil spirits were in one place and could theoretically be exorcised at the same time. The snake opened its mouth wide, revealing its pointed fangs, before swooping down towards Joan, ready to strike.

  Joan leapt backwards out of the way as the snake’s enormous head impacted with the sidewalk in front of Dullahan’s and created an enormous crater. Pieces of the sidewalk were sent flying up into the air.

  Oops. Joan realized Alan would probably have to get that fixed. Crap. They had to get rid of this snake as quickly as possible, so that there would be minimal damage to the surrounding area. “Michael!” Joan called out, knowing that her guardian angel would know how to react.

  “On it!” Michael called out as he leapt into action, opened his maw, and unleashed a barrage of red, sizzling fireballs the snake’s way. The fireballs hit the snake that hissed and let out an animalistic roar of rage and pain.

  Using her now superhuman speed Joan ran around the snake and towards its neck. “Hah!” Joan leapt up into the air and holding her great sword in a two-handed grip she brought the sword down upon the evil spirit’s neck. It writhed and shrieked before the snake suddenly exploded and faded away into nothingness.

  At this point, Joan was panting for breath, more due to the amount of magical energy she’d just used to dispel the evil spirit than the physical exertion the task had taken. “That was one hell of an evil spirit.” Joan frowned. “But why would so many evil spirits be attracted to this place, and a nice, harmless guy like Alan?”

  Michael looked at the pub thoughtfully. The evil spirits may have been exorcised but there was still a dark aura surrounding the place. “Something dark or tragic must have happened here. Perhaps someone was brutally murdered here? I’m not certain, but I do sense…something dark. Maybe, besides the haunting there is a curse upon this place.”

  A curse? Joan nodded in agreement and sheathed her sword. “Let’s go home.” She was saying before she turned back around. A scowl formed on her face. “That’s funny, I still sense something evil in there.” Joan revealed as she approached the door and tried the doorknob. It was locked. She removed one of her bobby pins that kept her bangs out of her face, twisted it, and used it to pick the lock.

  Michael shook his head disapprovingly at Joan’s antics. “God’s Chosen Warrior shouldn’t know how to pick locks like a common thief.”

  “God’s Chosen Warrior probably shouldn’t know how to hotwire a car either.” Joan smirked before opening the door and making her way inside. It was pitch black but she didn’t dare turn on a light as she softly closed the door behind her and Michael. Michael had transformed into his smaller hundred-pound form to be able to make it through the door. Joan continued her way through the pub heading towards where she sensed the malevolent energy coming from. Soon she was standing in front of the door to Alan’s office. Joan took a deep breath as she opened the door and made her way inside.

  Alan was inside of the office seated behind his desk. The young pub owner was hunched over his desk, and his head was resting on his arms as he slept. Alan looked even younger when he was asleep. Joan noted and thought that there was also this innocent, pure air about him. But his sleep looked troubled. His brow was furrowed and there was a slight sheen of sweat on his forehead.

  And no wonder. A lesser demon was clinging to Alan’s back and digging its claws into his shoulders. It sensed Joan’s presence, looked up, and met Joan’s stare before smiling evilly. Joan just smiled back, unsheathed her sword, and pointed it at the demon.

  The smile fell right off the demon’s face at that, and its expression turned outraged. It let out a shriek as it leapt off of Alan’s back with a flap of its wings and attacked Joan.

  “Die! Foul demon!” Joan cried as she lunged her sword forward and impaled the demon right through its chest. The demon cried out, writhed in pain and agony, but Joan’s pure magical power ripped it apart from the inside out. The demon exploded as it was exorcised and then disappeared completely.

  Alan instantly woke up from his nightmare. He looked up, startled, and panting for breath. “W-Who’s there?” Alan called out tremulously as he looked straight ahead and at the currently invisible Joan.

  Joan stared back at her new boss. A triumphant smile curled her lips. He was free. She vowed to herself that she’d continue to protect this kind young man who’d said she didn’t have to wear a skirt to work. Best boss ever. And she hadn’t even started working yet.

  “See you at work tomorrow, boss.” Joan said softly as she turned to leave.

  Michael trotted after her. “That’s your new boss? He looks weak.”

  “Yea, I know. It makes me want to protect him.” There was a rueful note to Joan’s voice. “He seems genuinely kind and naïve though. You don’t meet many people like him these days. People who aren’t already jaded by humanity’s cruelty.”

  “Indeed.” Michael agreed. “Humans have been cruel to each other since the beginning of time. ‘All men are bad and are ever ready to display their malignity. This means that to deal with them as if they were good, honorable or trustworthy is to court disaster’.”

  Joan raised an eyebrow at the guardian angel. “Quoting Machiavelli? Isn’t that a little negative for an angel to say? If anyone should have hope for humanity shouldn’t it be you?”

  “As long as humans have free will, there will be evil in this world, Joan. But…one day the humans will judge us angels. So you’re right, I don’t really have to right to condemn humans…but that doesn’t stop me.” Michael revealed his sharp teeth in what must have been his version of a smile.

  To be continued…in Drink 3: Long Island Iced Tea

  Dantalion: “Good evening, inferior human, so you wish to know how to make a French Kiss? Mix 1 ounce of vodka, 1 ou
nce of raspberry liqueur, 1/2 an ounce of Grand Marnier orange liqueur, and 1 ounce of whipping cream into a shaker tin, shake and strain the mixture into a champagne flute. Garnish with a speared cherry and enjoy. Don’t forget the legal drinking age is 21, and drink responsibly.”